A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend recently got back together after a break up that happened about a week ago, we've been dating almost 2 years. Over that past week he told me he needed to find himself, so I gave him the time and space to do so, and we got back together yesterday. Problem is, we're missing the two of the most important parts of a relationship; He cant communicate with me, and I cant trust him. Before all this happened he wasn't supposed to talk to any girls, which he told me he didn't mind, but the day of the fight he was already talking to his ex. Because of my past, I find it very hard to trust anyone. He says he repressed himself for that two years, not talking to anyone of the opposite sex and is unwilling to take steps to get there now that he's exploded. I'm trying my hardest to just take it step by step at my own pace, so that I can be comfortable with him talking to other people but it's not working so well. Then I found out that for the week he was harmlessly flirting with other girls. I'm trying my hardest to change, but I was hysterical over the past week, and he was already jokingly flirting with other people. I'm really lost and confused please help.
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (5 July 2007):
 People do explode when being controlled by others. How can you tell someone they are not allowed to talk to a person of the opposite sex. If you expect someone to live by that rule then you deserve what ever you get. It is an unrealistic expectation. Even if he agrees to it, it's ridiculous and stifling. What are you afraid of.
Would you like it if he told you couldn't go to the movies because there are guys there and they might talk to you? You can't go to the beach either because you can't wear a bathing suit if he's not around. Do you see what I mean? After the second or third time your friends go off to the beach and leave you behind, because of the restrictions on you, you'd explode too.
People will agree to silly things on an impulse. When reality sets in though, it's not easy to live up to those standards.
A
female
reader, LauraE  +, writes (5 July 2007):
I agree with ariel and flower girls as regards your insecurity so I will just say what I think about your boyfriend’s ‘inability to communicate’. I hope male readers will forgive me for a bit of a sweeping statement. It often seems to be the case that boys and men find it more awkward to talk about their feelings than we do. So the first point is that this isn’t just your boyfriend that is like this. The other thing is that in recent years it has become fashionable to always take the female line that the way to deal with every tiny issue is to talk about it for hours and hours, and all will be OK. I don’t mean that it would be better if we all kept buttoned up and said nothing, far from it. But I do think that sometimes, we need to lighten up a bit on expecting men to constantly express their feelings. We unfairly think they are in the wrong for not being so emotionally expressive, when they are just different from us. By all means, ask him to talk to you about big issues, but maybe you could cut him a bit of slack on the less important ones. The less pressure you pile on him, the happier he will be.
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A
male
reader, youngcouple22 +, writes (5 July 2007):
my girlfriend is quite paranoid when i speak to other girls. but you have to understand that you cant stop your boyfriend speaking to other girls.if he stated speaking to other girls while you were on a break it is obviously something that he minded. guys can feel trapped sometimes, im not saying totally trust him, i understand that can be hard. but let him have a little space but also let him know that you are the best thing that could happen to him and i promise the only girl he'll want to talk to is you.i hope i have been some help. x
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (5 July 2007):
 You should not want to and can't change someone, you started seeing each other beacuse you liked each other for who you were when you met.
If you can't communicate and there is no trust, i personally think there is no relationship, maybe it would be best to both go your own seperate ways and start again.
There is no point in holding on to someone if it's not working.
Take care.xx.
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A
female
reader, sexi  +, writes (5 July 2007):
 Hi, i have a similar problem. I don;t like my bf speanking to other girls as well, I have spoken to him and we have both decided not to do anything that would make the other one sad,hurt or insecure. You first have to build a foundation of trust and then yu would be able to move forward however if he is going to continue flirting it would definately make things harder for you interm of you trusting him. You should commiuncate with your bf and tell him you are trying to wiork in your realtionship to make things work out but you dont see the effort coming from him. It is hard to make a relationship work if one is not entirely happy to do so. Ask him what he would like to do , if he wants out of the relationship then give him that as you would end up unhappy.If he tell you that he is willing to work things out with you tell him to start being committed to you and stop his wandering ways. Whether he was harmlesly flirting or not, he was still flirting.he needs to make a decision and stop playing games with you heart.
Good Luck, Mail me if you wana chat
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