A
female
age
36-40,
*ella2007
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been togther for 7months, and when I met him he had two male lodgers. During our relationship they both moved out and around 6weeks ago he has replaced them with two others....one of which is female. He never talked to me about it before telling her she could move in, and when he did mention it, it was tell me she was moving in the next day.I was really upset about this and told him how uncomfortable I felt about the situation. This may sound strange but I do trust him not to cheat on me but he has lied to me in the past about "a (female) friend trying to kiss him", its alot more about another girl being around him alot more than me. (Im not at his much because he lives 30miles away and i have a 3year old son...so its much easier for him to come over and stay at mine). When i did go to his i felt even worse. His new lodger has taken over the house. Bearing in mind she pays the going rate for 'a room', she has cleared out my boyfriends plates, cultery, glassware and kitchen appliences and replaced them with her own and she has several pieces of furniture in the two sitting rooms. And the study (spare bedroom) is filled with all her stuff (you actually have to climb over it to get to the PC) All this makes me feel feel really uncomfortable in the house...and i feel like im visting 'their house' rather than my boyfirends. Amongst other little things this are my main worries.My boyfriend says that my feelings are quote 'weird' and that i need to live with it....or lump it! He says that he wont be dictated by me, and yes this is a valid point as i do not want to control him and turn him into some sort of puppet...but this is something that i just cant live with. He says that i am the only person in the world who would have an issue with this and that i should sort my head out.We do love each other and when we do try and discuss it (he isnt a great talker) we both agree that do really want to be with each other, but this is realy becoming between us.Please please give me your honest opinions, thanks x
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male
reader, lupa-k +, writes (23 April 2007):
I wouldn't say that your fears are wierd, and its quite unfair of him to make that comment and in doing so belittling your feelings. You certainly arent the only person in the world who would feel uncomfortable with it
I wouldn't say that moving a female lodger in is a problem per se, and perhapas at this stage he felt that it wasn't something worth making a fuss about - maybe that if he had mentioned it that you'd have thought it was something to be suspicious about? Its not like he was always going to try to keep you apart and he knew that you would be going round there eventually.
As for the rest, I'd say that your boyfriend needs to be a lot more assertive to succeed as a landlord! The irony to it all is that you mention not wanting him to be your puppet, it sounds like he is fast becoming her puppet by letting her have the run of the house! But that itself shouldnt be a reason to break up, especially if you say that you trust him not to cheat on you. You do however mention other little things, so I suspect that it isnt an isolated case
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