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female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: So my boyfriend told me about this girl at college that she actually likes him, and she once approached him and talked to him for a bit. I tried not to overreact and I trust him that he won't flirt or cheat on me with her, so I told him that as long as it's just a casual talk, I won't overreact and make a big deal out of it, although from the inside, I know that this girl shouldn't talk to my boyfriend since she always sees me with him. It's been weeks since this happened, and he told me that she didn't talk to him again afterwards. Yesterday, we were talking about a series that he likes, and he told me that the girl that likes him watches the same series. I wondered why would he tell me that and asked him how he knows it, he said that she had some photos of that series on her Facebook page, I told him how he knew her Facebook, he said that he saw it on the friend suggestions list. I told him to open her Facebook page so I can take a look at it, he first seemed hesitated but then said yeah okay sure and said that he doesnt know her last name, I said that he can just type her first name and it will appear anyways if she was on his friends suggestions list, her name appeared and he opened her page and scrolled down quickly, but I noticed the "cancel" Friend request button. I felt anger inside me and asked him why would he send her a friend request, he said that he doesn't even know that he sent it so it must be an accident. We had an argument about it because I felt that there was something suspicious, but he promised that it was just by accident. I told him to block her and that he has to prove to me that there is nothing between them so I can trust him again or else it's over between us. I don't know what to do, do I let it go and let time reveal? Do I go and ask that girl if there is something between both of them?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2019): Hi OP. No way are you being jealous or insecure. It's your boyfriend who PLANTED THE SEED OF DOUBT IN YOUR MIND. You are just reacting to his bad and unacceptable behaviour. It is your boyfriend who orchestrated this entire situation and dare I say, played you like a fiddle. He sounds immature and insecure. Are you sure he's ready to commit to you? Harsh truth? It doesn't sound like it. He told you about this girl because he felt guilty about liking her. So he tried to do the right thing. But the right thing is only a smokescreen to cover up his guilty conscience. If he was feeling bad about it, he should have stopped all thoughts of her and ceased communications. But no, he went to look for her on Facebook AND sent her a friend request. Big, fat red flags. Sorry but you need to be watchful here. It's one thing to have friends but to have friends who like you in that way is only asking for trouble. You are not alone. I would ask my boyfriend to stop all contact. You have every right to protect your relationship from threats. But if your boyfriend is opening the door and letting them in, then you need to seriously rethink your expectations and your future with him. If I were you, I'd live my life from now on and expand my circle of friends, males included. Become more independent. Try new hobbies. And don't put all your eggs in his basket. If he really is that serious about you, he will give his head a shake. And change his behaviour pronto.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2019): Okay, you should not OVERREACT over the fact that he talks to other girls.
I agree with what one of the anonymous answers said. WHY would he want to have an extra connection with her WHEN he already knows that she likes him?
Does he really think that the girl is talking to him CASUALLY or because she likes him? Why would she even TELL HIM that she likes him and him allowing her SPACE to be closer? WHY would he send her a friend request KNOWING that the girl consider him much MORE than a friend, possibly she might even THINK about DATING HIM since she told him that she likes HIM.
Why would he scroll down her page to HIDE or at least not to let you notice the friend request? Something seems a bit suspicious here.
Just to let you know. I've had experience with men who likes their ego boosted when they realize that another women likes them, and let me tell you something, if you ACT too crazy and jealous about it, that's just an extra boost to his ego.
My advice is, since you don't have much evidence that he's cheating, don't break up with him, show him that you trust him, but do your INVESTIGATION carefully, keep an eye on his actions, let time takes it's role, and you'll eventually KNOW if he's cheating or not.
I'm sorry for the other written answers above, but listen girl, MEN aren't always to be trusted around other women. Take it from me. Him sending a friend request to a girl that likes him, and KNOWING that she's making extra steps (by telling him that she likes him and him adding her on Facebook) is a RED FLAG. He SHOULD'VE blocked any extra connection with her when he realized that she LIKES HIM. No excuses, she doesn't see him as a FRIEND.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2019): I understand your point. And he SHOULD NOT talk about any girl liking him with you! You are his girlfriend! So why he has to point all the time that she likes him..she likes the same TV shows..etc etc . Girl you deserve much better! You deserve a man who cares about you and makes you feel unique and loved! He is not the type of man who will stand for you. Sorry but this not that man. How you feel when he says that to you? Awful, right? So why you have to stand up with that immaturity and disrespect? This kind of ridiculous behavior is made only by selfish man who does not respect the woman he has.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (3 November 2019):
 You are way overstepping yourself here. You come off as controlling AF!
WHY on Earth should he not talk to other girls? As long as it's about a tv show, or whatever people talk about to acquaintances or friends?!
And why should she talk to him? When you date someone you shouldn't have to become a recluse and ONLY talk to your GF or isolate yourself from co-workers or class mates.
Now I GET that BECAUSE he mentioned that SHE likes him, your antenna went up, but here is the thing, WHO is he DATING? YOU or HER?
He feels like has has to LIE to you to not get you all up in his business. Of course he didn't send a friends-request by accident. Come on now. But I bet you he didn't expect for you to DEMAND to see her Facebook page either. He should have kept his mouth shut, because you obviously can't HANDLE that he is a human being who TALKS to people, girls included.
ALL you are going to accomplish by acting this controlling is him either DUMPING you or be friendless in college.
WHY is it up to you to DECIDE that HE needs to block her? All that "proves" is that he has no backbone and a controlling GF who is majorly insecure.
Girl, GET a grip!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2019): Yes of course we should all be allowed friends of either sex as YCBS says. But this is something extra. He KNOWS she LIKES him. It's no longer just about friendship. This woman is an ego boost for him and he wants his ego boosted some more. The fact that he has tried to add her on Facebook would have me wondering why he wants the EXTRA connection. Not just a connection with a friend, but someone who he knows likes him. That changes everything into a different ball game. Friendships, real platonic friendships, don't contain these connotations. You also have to consider the probability that he is doing this to make you jealous. He didn't HAVE to tell you that this girl came up to him and talked to him and he knows she likes him. A bit cheap of him I think. Why mention it if he didn't want some sort of reaction from you? Then to mention about the series that she likes KNOWING that you will ask him how he knows that. He didn't HAVE to bring that into the convo, so why did he? And then he has to say that he has looked her up on Facebook. He's not stupid. He knows that this will get a reaction from you. Then the 'staged' hesitation, before he lets you look at her Facebook page, where he knows you will see his friend request.Call me cynical, but I've seen it all before and can see through all this shit a mile away. What to do about it is up to you. If a boyfriend was rubbing my nose in this, then I wouldn't be hanging around. He's already making you unhappy. And for the record, I don't think that you are being controlling etc. He has given you good reason to be wary about this. Perhaps on purpose. I know I wouldn't treat a boyfriend like this. Firstly telling him that a man came up to me, talked to me and I know he likes me. It sounds conceited and trivial and I wouldn't be proud of myself already. I think he is basking in the glory of two women wanting him and I'd be surprised, from what you've written about him, if he was going to be decent enough to not enjoy it for as long as he can.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2019): Are you an insane person? Is your boyfriend not allowed a female friend? If he wants to cheat on you he will. if you don't trust him, dump him. if you do trust him stop ruining your relationship by being controlling and jealous.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (3 November 2019):
 I take it, now that you are in a relationship, you NEVER speak to other men? Ever? Not even casually in passing? Just because you are in a relationship does not mean you should not speak to other members of the opposite sex or have friends. That is just ridiculous and controlling.
I would love to hear your boyfriend's side of this story. Did he try to hide his friendship with this girl because there really IS something to hide, or was it purely because he knew you would kick off?
You need to decide whether you trust your boyfriend or not. If you do, then you need to prove it by allowing him to have friends, of EITHER sex, safe in the knowledge he will not overstep any acceptable boundaries. If you don't trust him, then your relationship has no future. It will just be torment for you. You will keep checking up on him until you either find some "incriminating evidence" or he gets fed up of your paranoia and finishes the relationship.
Your call. Which is it to be?
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