A
female
age
36-40,
*ove301
writes:Hello everyone. I have been in a long-term, off-and-on relationship with a man for going on 4 years now. Of course I cannot possibly tell the whole entire journey but I will basically tell the most important issues I have.I am 21 years old and he is 23. We have had good times together but it seems that the bad out weighs the good. I have continued to stay in this relationship because I love him and he is a good man deep down inside. I believe he has never (seriously) cheated on me either. Hoping that he would eventually change i stayed.Problems in relationship include trust issues most importantly. I dont trust him sometimes because of past experiences and the way he acts towards me. He has done things like getting girls numbers, meeting girls over the internet etc. Never took girls out or had sex with them tho. Also some of his actions like keeping his phone on silent sometimes also makes me suspicious.I often think that we are just not meant to be. I am always in a bad mood and nasty to everyone because of him making me mad. I talk to him about how i feel and i might see change for a couple days and then its back to normal. hes not open to me and i have to beg him to talk to me about anything even serious issues. i ask him questions like where do you see us in a few years and his answer to everything is "i dont kno." We argue about every little thing! he is never mushy towards me like he doesnt ever surprise me, do things just because or without me asking. Vever compliements or say sweet things.I want the best everything for myself and it seems like he is ok with being just average. We both go to the same school which has been somewhat good b/c we chill at each others room everyday. Somewhat bad because we dont hardly ever go to the cafe or school events together b/c he goes with his friends and doesnt even invite me. He hardly ever tells me he loves me. I have to keep reminding him that he should tell me sumtimes.We are from two totally different areas/families and we dont see eye to eye most the time. I think that has alot to do with it also. Im from the suburbs and hes from a bad area. all he does during the summer is sit outside and mostly hang with his friends(which are no good). I keep pushing him to be so much better and do so much more like get a JOB! Which never happens. its been a struggle for both of us in school with no money. My family sends me money here n there and i have to take care the both of us. I dont mind helping at all! but its ot old and its not helping if the both of us arent contributing. when im mad or we get in a argument he "doesnt feel like talking about it" and just ignores me when i want to talk the problems out. Then we end up breaking up because i get so mad and then he starts to say he doesnt care when he gets mad.i see couples holding hands and happy and im just like why cant we be like that. my friends get cute texts and romantic dates and surprizes and thats how i wish we could be.after years u should know the person almost like the back of ur hand. little things bother me. Ex: just the other day he goes to get food and brings back lemonade and no hot sauce. i hate lemonade and eat hot sauce on everything! he didnt see a issue.Ex: it was a huge snow storm at school...i had to say come over so we can be snowed in 2gether. otherwise i would have been alone for a day.I never get told how im appreciated, or anything like that. Marriage and kids hardly ever come up.Yes ive done stuff too. Like talking to other guys etc. But im over that. I want him to give me all that i need and it wouldnt be any other guys involved. sometimes i think its partly my fault b/c i dont trust him. im always thinking he is lying which causes arguments. he says that i complain to much, i always think he is lying,and im evil. i also have other issues like not being happy with myself Ex: my weight.i kno it was alot to read. Thanks for taking the time to do so. please help
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2009): I agree with Sammi. It seems like you might have wasted 4 years of your life with him. He clearly doensn't give a damn about you, your feelings or your needs. He's selfish, he doesn't support you emotionally or contribute financially to any degree. He won't (or can't) get a job to support himself, let alone you. He won't discuss things with you and retreats into his shell each time you want to talk about something. You feel unappreciated. He's probably cheating on you without you knowing it - why else would he put his phone on silent when you're around? You assume he's not because that's what you want to think. No doubt there's a whole load of other niggles you've got about him that you haven't mentioned.
I think you have to ask yourself what it is about him that you love. What are you getting out of this so-called relationship? He appears to be getting more from you than you're getting from him. Maybe he's good in the sack, and if so, that appears to be the only thing he's good at.
Don't you think you could do rather better for yourself? I think you could.
A
female
reader, love301 +, writes (16 May 2009):
love301 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanx so much for your advice. It was some what helpful. I just wish I could understand him. like why he never shows his emotions.
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A
female
reader, sammi star  +, writes (15 May 2009):
 Well firstly you really don't want to even be thinking about marriage or kids. Having kids puts a huge strain on even the strongest relationships. I think you know you're in an unhealthy situation here but you want someone to confirm it and give you the push you so need. You might not like that advice but that's what I felt from reading your problem. I know how hard it can be to walk away but look what this is doing to you. Relationships are meant to be fun, you're meant to put all your trust into the other person, feel safe and loved. You're getting none of this and it seems you're loosing a little more of yourself everyday. I really think you need to get out of this relationship now before things get any worse. You could be so happy, but you won't while you're with this man. I really wish you luck with this hun x
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