A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:A year ago amidst a fight, I discovered my boyfriend of 4 years whom I live with, in the first year we had been together, had still been messaging other women via Facebook. A month after he told me loved me he had apparently invited a woman to come down to live with him and his apps were downloaded months into the relationship. I never brought it up and we never discussed it but it still haunts me to this day and I’m not quite sure how to cope. I feel like it’s put a block on me and it’s ruining our relationship cause I don’t trust him but I don’t want to come out and say it. Any advice on if it to just move on and let it go?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2020): You posted this a few days ago. You know the answer and you have had people advise you of what to do so why post the exact same question again? Are you hoping that they will say give him another chance, try again, because you find it impossible to be sensible and end it?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2020): The purpose of DC is to comfort, advise, and enlighten people regarding relationships and life-challenges. When it comes to the emotion of love, getting through to people is very difficult. Emotions and feelings will block good-advice; until a person is too exhausted and distraught to suffer the problem anymore. People want advice that tells them you can fix any relationship; no matter how toxic, incompatible, or dangerous it is. Then you've come to the wrong place! Other readers, the aunts, and uncles try to convey wise and thoughtful answers. Even what you don't want to hear. It's entirely up to the OP.
You don't have to come right-out and tell somebody you don't trust them. They'll either sense it; or see it in your actions and behavior. Your discoveries were probably after snooping through his phone; and you opened yourself a squiggly-wiggly nasty can of worms!
You shouldn't be in a relationship with a person you don't trust; let alone live with them. You've seen red-flags, but insist on keeping him. What kind of advice would you listen to?
Commonsense would say dump him and move-out. If you've submitted your post a second-time; maybe people didn't tell you what you wanted to hear. This post is the only one I've read thus far. I will read the other responses to get an idea of what others think. I like to see things from different angles and perspectives. You should too!
You can want to be with somebody so badly that you can become reckless and self-destructive. You can destroy yourself emotionally, and become a hot mess. Then when you do finally come to your senses and decide to leave; you'll carry that baggage and insecurity from one failed-relationship to the next. All will result in failure; because nobody will want to put-up with your insecurities. No guy wants to be punished for what you've allowed exes to do to you.
Listen to your gut. If it consistently tells you that he's not the right-guy; then believe it! You want us to come-up with magic-words that will suddenly make you feel a sense of trust towards your boyfriend. If he can't do that, nor can we.
If you can't trust him, then what is the point of being with him?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2020): HiI think you probably posted again, because it took a while for your first post to get printed and maybe you thought it had got lost somewhere. Anyway, I'm another vote in the camp of 'if you can't trust him, you don't actually have a relationship.'To ask another woman to come and live with him while he was going out with you is wrong, no matter how long you had been together at that point. Shows shady behaviour. I have been with someone I couldn't trust and I was a wreck after a while. Always wondering where he was and what he was doing, with whom. I'm a lot happier now I've finished it. It doesn't work. Don't waste any more time. Plenty of guys out there you could be happy with.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 August 2020):
 You posted this very same question already today .You got a few answers already, which say more or less : too bad, call it a day and move on.
You are welcome to re-post as much as you like, but of course if you keep asking the same thing until you get to hear what you have decided you want to hear... that defies the purpose of asking for advice to begin with, doesn't it ?
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