A
female
age
30-35,
*im 1989
writes:I am in a 3 year relationship, have one child and am 8 months pregnant for my second. My partner and i used to have a real good relationship but since october its been different. in october i found some txts on his phone and found out tht he had met some one behind my back. i spilt with him but then took him back. he still says to this day tht nothing happend but i just dont belive him. this has caused reli big problems as i cannot trust him now and evrytime he goes out i wonder where he is and who hes with. i reli want things to work as i love him but what can i do to make me trust him?? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, lotus mama808  +, writes (26 March 2009):
 I know how you feel, and the question isn't what you can do to trust him, it's what he can do to earn your trust back. I found that with my husband, the more he over reacted to my telling him how I feel, and that my trust for him has been altered, the more likely it was that he was still betraying my trust. I am also very aware of my instinct, and never ignore it. I love my husband, and he loves me back. There is no question there, however, if I am getting a gut feeling that I can't shake, I discuss it with him. I know that when it comes to men, they are completely intimidated by yelling, threats and lectures, so I avoid those things so that he may feel more comfertable explaining how he feels and give me the truth. Beware, though, the truth may piss you off to no end, and thats when you need to get ahold of your emotions and work with him. It will make him feel okay with being honest with you the next time he is confronted with your concerns. At this point, as well, you are in that stage of pregnancy where you feel like a beached whale and wonder how anyone could find you attractive (I am 9 months pregnant, 2cm dilates and feeling sh*@ty, for lack of a better word, so I know the feeling) and it will affect the way you think he feels about you. This is my 3rd child, and always I get the feeling that my husband finds my big belly repulsive, but in fact, he is quite turned on by my it. Your partner might be too! Time is an awsome healer too. You may find more trust in him as time goes by and you no longer question his actions. If you arnt sure, keep your eyes and ears open. Call him and ask where he is, see how long it takes him to respond and how he sounds. When he gets home, ask how his day was, tell him you missed him, talk to him about how you are doing, and make him feel comfertable with you. Have that discussion about your worries and concerns. Don't talk a him, let him respond, and stay calm about it. Hang in there, take care of yourself, and good luck;)
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