A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've just started going out with this guy, but I'm already questioning it. Something doesn't feel quite right, like we're not suited for each other. We'd met up a couple of times before and got along well, so when he asked me on a date I thought 'why not?' Worst thing that could happen is that we remained friends, I thought. Later that night, he asked me out, and I said yes. I have to add in here: I'm not good with being put under pressure, and tend to make decisions before I've had the chance to think it through.Well now that I'm doubting us so early I'm trying to figure out this: do I give us a chance, take things slow, and see if I'm just getting new relationship jitters, or do I end it now before it gets too serious for fear of hurting him? I'm really bad at breaking up with someone, so if that's the best option for this situation I may need some advice on how to do that too. Thank you! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2013): you're letting your anxiety of being bad at breakups force you to evaluate a long term answer when you don't have enough information to make that decision.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2013): Sometimes when someone asks to date me I say yes.
Level 1:
Then I realize that I may have responded too quickly.
Level 2:
But then I realize that I'm realizing my response time which means I must not be that interested.
Level 3:
Then I realize that if I'm realizing I'm not interested, I might really not be interested.
Level 4:
I should really break this 5 minute relationship off before he gets really hurt.
Advice: When someone asks you out tell them "Let me get back to you, don't pressure me, otherwise in just four levels you're going to get a no! And don't ask me what I mean by levels."
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A
female
reader, lihar +, writes (7 March 2013):
I know what you mean because I am the same and find it hard under pressure but honestly if you have niggling doubts, I think you should listen to them. Maybe they will go away with time but the beginning should be more excitement nerves than doubt nerves I think.
I think saying something like you don't feel the spark is ok because it is true but it's no one's fault that that is not there.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2013): The purpose of dating is to find the right person for you. I presume that you are young and inexperienced; so I can see where breaking it off can be hard. The worse thing you can do is string a person along. They will only develop feelings and assume that you like them.
How many times will you bow to "pressure" to go out with someone you don't like, before you stop? If you're that timid, you're not ready to be dating. That is, if you're giving your accurate age. Most people learn how break it off before high school.
Supposing you're old enough to date; then you really have no excuses to make in your defense for not just ending it when it doesn't feel right. Don't pretend like you just want be "friends;" because it only creates false hope. It only prolongs the agony of being around someone you feel uncomfortable being with. It will also give an intimidating or aggressive guy the upper-hand. Making it even more difficult to break it off as time passes.
For your own safety and happiness, develop the nerve to decline future dates if you don't like being with someone.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (7 March 2013):
I would say that if something doesn't feel right, why make an effort. But first I have to ask, how many relationships have you had? Has this feeling happened before?
If you are pretty experienced I'd say break it off. If not you may want to give it a shot, because it may just be your nerves.
Breaking up with people can be intimidating, but unless you've been with someone for awhile it should be relatively pain free. It's important to do it with compassion; so don't tell a guy he's too ugly for you or anything else that he can't change. Just say that the purpose of dating is to find out if you're compatible with someone. I like you, but I'm realizing that we're just not right for each other, so I think we should part ways.
Something to that effect is pretty harmless and hopefully doesn't hurt their self esteem.
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