A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys.I have some weird problems with my wife. I'm 24 and she's 23, we've been together for 3 years now. We have an almost healthy sexual life. We have sex about 7/8 times a week but the thing is: she doesn't seem to love having sex with me, she asks for it but she doesn't look excited. I already told her we don't have to do it everyday. When she sees my body at the time of sex, she looks with disgust. I'm not fat but I'm not muscle either. When I talk about getting in shape, she seems disappointed. She always want me to eat more and more so I can get really fat and no one can find me attractive. But she is the one who acts like I'm not attractive!My problem is: she seems to lie when she says she likes having sex with me.Also, we argued again because I noticed she's not giving me a real blowjob. I noticed she is always licking the borders of my penis (prepuce region) and not the red area (glans). She puts it in her mouth but never licks the red area, she rarely does it. So I told her not to do that because I'm not feeling good. It seems like she's cheating when she's doing that.She doesn't talk to me anymore because she told me this is too much for her. She says she's doing it right.Also, a serious problem she has is: when I talk gently about something (everything) that is not good. She doesn't say anything, she just stays quiet! And then, some hours later she comes to me and honestly says I'm right (but does everything AGAIN :() All the time. How can I do to stop her?Other questions?How can I improve my relationship?Can woman really fake a blowjob?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (14 February 2013):
 Try cutting down on the amount of sex you have. 7-8 times a week is too much and it's boring.
If you ate your favourite meal every day you'd get bored of it. When she asks for it tell her, you'd rather not do it tonight. Try cutting back to once or twice a week. Every day for 3 years? I'm not surprised it's boring.
If you want to get in shape, forget what she says and do it. If YOU want to get in shape, then go do it. You don't need her permission. You're your own man!
If she doesn't like it, she can lump it.
Forget marriage counselling. Cut down the amount of times you have sex, don't say yes every time she asks for it. She gets her own way all the time. Go get in shape if that's what you want to do.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2013): If you really think that women terribly enjoy blow jobs, you are mistaken. Most women don't enjoy it that much, they go alone with it, and not nesseseraly disgusted, but the real pleasure...I doubt it.
How about you? Do you enjoy giving your wife oral sex?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2013): Yes it sounds like she doesn't like having sex with you. The look of disgust on her face is a dead give away. She is probably just asking for sex because she wants a baby and you happen to be the one easiest to get it from since you are legally bound to financially support her. or she wants to feel she is doing her duty as a wife or just so you will not have an affair. Arguing with her that she isn't giving you a real bj is just making things worse because you are totally self centered when it comes to sex. Instead of appreciating her efforts you blame her for not "doing it right " which to her makes the whole idea of having sex with you a negative one. I think you need to make yourself more attractive to her. Don't just talk about getting in shape. Do it already. And stop criticizing her techniques that is very unloving and will make her just get angry.
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A
female
reader, loner35  +, writes (14 February 2013):
In my opinion it seems sex is the only closeness you have in your relationship.Maybe just have fun together. an. laugh with no drx
involved
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2013): I'm a bit confused by your question if I'm honest. You say your wife asks you for sex, you do it 7/8 times per week, but you don't believe she likes it and she is disgusted by your body? I don't think she would have sex with you at all if that was the case never mind so regularly. Why do you believe she feels like this? Basing all of this on how she looks at you isn't really enough. Her actions (the fact she has regular sex with you) suggest she is enjoying it but you don't seem to want to believe that. Why? You sound very insecure and like you are looking for tiny signs to prove she is not happy with your sex life when all it is doing is ruining your enjoyment. Try to stop obsessing and looking for faults and focus on making your sex life as good as it can be.You also say she is trying to make you fat so no one else finds you attractive. How do you know this? Has she told you that's what she is doing? Have you considered that she is maybe encouraging you to eat because she enjoys looking after you and making sure you are well fed and nurtured? That's a very common thing for a wife to do. If you have proof that she is in fact trying to fatten you up to make you unattractive to other women then you need to confront her and reassure her that you are not going to leave her for someone else. Finally, the blow job thing. You seem to think she is deliberately trying to 'fake' it which I don't think is likely at all. There could be a lot of reasons why she isn't doing it 'properly', but to me it seems like she might be a bit nervous for some reason. Do you make sure you are nice and clean down there do it is pleasant for her? Do you do anything that might make it unpleasant for her, like thrust your penis into her mouth (horrible) or suddenly cum in her mouth with no warning (we need time to prepare!)? If not it could be that she doesn't like doing it and is only doing it to please you (this is common - lots of women don't like it but do it to please their partners and it's not a big deal). Again you will need to speak to her. If she won't talk then get into counselling because the communication between you is not up to scratch at the moment.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (14 February 2013):
It sounds to me like you guys rushed into marriage. In other words you're not as compatible as you ideally would be.
You need to stop obsessing over whether or not she's enjoying sex and simply try and make it more enjoyable for her. Try new things and when she responds to it take note. Even if she enjoys it she could always enjoy it more.
Second communication is a big deal and your wife doesn't sound like a communicator. I'd recommend giving her the space she needs when she's upset, then approaching the subject when she's not upset. That's what I have to do with my wife.
I also think that if you're having problems of this nature you need to start marriage counseling.
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