A
female
age
30-35,
*xImThatGirlxX
writes:We have been dating for about 5 months but we were good friends first. I really do believe he loves me and he tells me I'm pretty all the time but I just don't believe him when he say that. I feel like he says it just to make me happy, but he doesn't believe it. He told me he likes dark haired girls, before we ever started dating, but I'm a natural blonde. I find out he doesn't have a high sex drive, which is fine we are working on it. However, he masturbates to porn sometimes and the other day I found a picture on his computer of two skinny girls that we're really pretty. The thing is we hadn't had sex in 4 days, and I sense he can only have sex every couple of days, it makes me think that he doesn't find me attractive if he would rather masturbate to other girls who look nothing like me rather than have sex with me. If he had a high sex drive and masturbated and wanted sex all the time I could care less about him getting off to porn, but like I said its like he is choosing them over me because he can only ejaculate every couple of days. He likes pretty small dark haired girls with pale skin and big boobs. I'm tall, curvy (size 12), long blonde hair. I don't have big boobs but I have a big butt. I also think hes into the neighbor girl who is his friends girlfriend and she fits his type. He acted weird about me meeting her then he acted weird when finally I did meet her. Then anytime she comes around he acts weird towards me. I don't think he is cheating on me with her or anything, I just think he has a thing for her. But she is his good friends girlfriend. I dunno what to do...PS. please don't say he's gay and trying to cover something up. Believe me that's not what it is. He really has a low sex drive (which is a bummer cuz I don't). Its a real thing in some men. He is only 21 years old
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boobs, ejaculate, porn, sex drive Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2014): Guess he should of refilled by 7 hours. To be honest your boyfriend sounds like he's not very good in bed.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2014): yes, talk to him if you like, but why would he be with you if he wasn't atracted to you? there wouldn't be a point.
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A
female
reader, XxImThatGirlxX +, writes (22 February 2014):
XxImThatGirlxX is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe doesn't have a porn addiction, that has nothing to do with it. He has some weird thing about him were he can't get off or really even keep a hard on more than once a day at the most. For example, this has happened a couple of times, we will have sex in the morning and 7 hours later he still can't go again. And I will have been with him ALL the 7 hours. So I know for sure that he isn't just watching porn and jerking it. My problem is, if he's not attracted to me what should I do? The other posters gave me some good advice tho and I really think I need to just talked to him about my feelings.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (22 February 2014):
 Do you think he might not be being honest with you about the reason for his having trouble having sex? It's sort of an occam's razor situation. When a young, otherwise healthy guy is using porn instead of having sex and having trouble with sex, that generally points to a porn addiction. Addicts are not known for their honesty, as he's likely very embarrassed by it but unable to really take control of it. I'm aware that some guys have a low sex drive, but low sex drive is a completely different thing from a young healthy guy who actually can't finish during sex. Whereas a young healthy guy who can't finish due to a porn addiction, that's pretty common. There's more information here:
http://www.yourbrainonporn.com
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 February 2014):
 OP I get how you feel. I have a similar issue with my current husband. His "type" is small young Asian women preferably with large breasts and light eyes (he watches way too much Anime Porn) I am not young (older than him by 13 yrs) I am not small any more nor are my eyes light and I'm NOT Asian. And yet this man loves me.
It does not stop him from looking at women that are his "type" but it does not mean he's planning to leave me for them or cheat on me with them. He loves ME... the insides... not the wrappings.
I feel unloved and unwanted because I have a sex drive at age 54 and at 40 he does not. Middle age has crept up on my guy with blinding speed. When we first got together a few years back he used to look at porn... now he doesn't even bother...
Not sure WHAT disorder you refer to with his "inability to ejaculate" more than every few days... he may not have enough of a drive to garner an erection or want to ejaculate every couple of days but MOST men in your age range are going to have a refractory period of about an hour or so... but it's not about ejaculations. For me as long as I get affection and attention I'm happy. even necking helps...
What can you do? NOTHING... if his drive is low like this and he's had a medical work up and nothing is wrong then you have a few choices none of which you will like:
choice ONE: LEAVE him and find a guy who has a similar sex drive to you.
choice two: suck it up and live with it.
choice three: seek his permission to take a lover to sexually satisfy you while he emotionally satisfies you. I will tell you it shook my hubby up last year when after 6 months of marriage I said "I can't live without sex I would like to take a lover." As you can imagine he didn't like that... but attention improved somewhat.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (21 February 2014):
 XxIm: Before discontinuing this relationship.... I suggest that you and he sit down, sometime OTHER than when you are close and might consider it "romantic"... and open a frank and honest discussion about this matter. (Perhaps, you could even print out a copy of this (your) submittal.... and say to him: "Hunchy-bunchy, I'm a little embarrassed that I submitted this... but it is an anonymous site... and the people do offer sincere and honest opinions.... BUT, I think the most important way to address this matter is for YOU and ME to talk about it...")
The discussion need not be heated or fractious... simply YOU telling him what you see happening... and how you feel about it.... and your asking him to address the matter with you...
IF the discussion "goes South" (gets acrimonious or heated) then maybe it goes to the heart of a matter that was going to be difficult, or impossible, to reconcile, anyway....
With luck... the two of you will know and understand each other better as a result (of the discussion)... and, maybe, it will result in improvements in your relationship such that all is well and things continue...
Good luck...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2014): You feel overall that things are not the way you want them to be. You feel that this relationship is not quite working out.Accept this and go back to being friends.My boyfriend prefers a different 'type' to me but I know without a shadow of a doubt that he's crazy about me. He also has a lower sex drive than me so sometimes my advances get rejected. But when we do it, the fireworks fly like crazy. My point is, these two issues in themselves are not necessarily deal breakers. But you two are just not working out and these things are making the situation worse.My suggestion is go back to being friends and work on your self esteem. If you believe you are beautiful just the way you are and that you have something unique to offer that no one else can, then you'll never be worried about what a guy's type is.
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A
female
reader, XxImThatGirlxX +, writes (21 February 2014):
XxImThatGirlxX is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI knew someone was going to say he masturbates too much. I'm telling you that's not what it is. He literally can't ejaculate more then every couple of days. It's a real thing, look it up. He's super insecure about it and its been a little bit of a problem for us. He doesn't masturbate all that much but when he does its like he chooses looking at other girls over me.
Also I most certainly did not pressure him into a relationship. We had feelings for each other and he is the one who approached me and asked me to be his girlfriend.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2014): He has a low sex drive because he's masturbating to porn; and by the time he gets to you, he has already satisfied himself.
You'll never admit it, but I think you pressured him to become your boyfriend. A guy with a low sex-drive is not that eager to go from friends to lovers. I don't believe he has a low sex-drive. He just isn't attracted to you in that way, and won't admit it. That's why you don't believe him.
Low sex-drive? Bunk! I don't know who initiated the decision to become a romantic couple; but somehow I suspect you were always more into him then he is into you.
What type of evidence do you need to decide maybe it wasn't a wise decision to change a platonic friendship into a romantic friendship? He does care about you; but his sex drive isn't enough to satisfy you, and you are full of suspicion and insecurity.
Seems only logical that you should become platonic friends again, and go find yourself a boyfriend who likes blondes, who's crazy about you as you are; and has a enough of a sex-drive and attraction for you to keep you happy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2014): If he didn't find you atractive, then why would he be with you? He could break up with you gently. And if he's in to girls with big tits and dark hair, he wouldn't have asked you out. Or was it you who asked him out? Either way, if you asked him out, he didn't have to say no. Talk to him about the porn stuff. Tell him you feel hurt, and that you feel as if he's picking those girls over you. Hopefully, he can truthfully reasure you, and you two will work it out. let us know how you get on! Good luck, x!
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