A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating a guy for nearly a year. We were casual for the first 6 months, both dating other people while we dated each other. About 6 months ago, we started dating more exclusive. During the first few months of commitment, I was sceptical about his commitment. I mostly blamed my past baggage of being cheated on, but there was one thing that made me a little sceptical. One of his ex-girlfriends from over a year ago started getting in touch with him before we started dating seriously. I believe they ran into each other at a social event and then casually kept in touch via email. He let me read all their emails and none of them were incriminating. However, during the first couple months of us being serious, I noticed he occasionally took business meetings in this one particular location, which I later found out was close to her house. (He travels a bit for business meetings, so I didn't think too much of it at the time.) After he stopped taking those meetings (the deal fell thru), I confronted him on my concerns and he said that it was all in my head and that he wasn't seeing her. He also showed me some email correspondence with another person from work who he attended these meetings with. About a month ago, we were both at a social event together for the weekend and ran into this ex of his. She initially walked over and made some comment to him (about a mutual friend of their's) and I put my hand out introduce myself. She made some excuse not to shake my hand but said "nice to meet you," then walked away to speak with someone else. The next day, both of us, her and our mutual friends all began socializing again, but she didn't say a word the entire time and wouldn't even acknowledge us. It was awkward. After that weekend, I got her email from my bf and sent her a message saying it was nice to meet her. She responded, "you too." She also sent an email to my bf that day that said, "It was nice to meet your girlfriend. She seems really nice. Good for you."I think at this point, I'm not concerned of any infidelity with my bf going on right now. However, I am concerned that I didn't get the full story. It doesn't make sense why she was so awkward in person, considering that they've been broken up for over a year. A part of me thinks I'm just over-reacting because of my baggage, but a part of me thinks I didn't get the whole story. I'd like to know other people's thoughts about this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, we formally made it official that we were bf/gf (aka facebook, friends, etc) shortly after he stopped taking those business meetings, even though we already told each other that we were committed two months before. I suppose that's why I was concerned something was going on before then. There were those couple months that I wasn't sure. Ultimately, we're definitely committed to each other now. I know this to be true. And yes, he introduced me to his ex as his girlfriend. Maybe I shouldn't be concerned about the past, and not ruin a good thing, but I get the feeling that I never got the full truth. Maybe I never will. Our relationship is progressing in a wonderful way; I suppose I just want everything out in the open so there's no surprises down the road. I've brought it up to him multiple times, and every time he said that he hasn't been involved with her since they broke up a year and a half ago.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2011): What do you mean by dating seriously and more exclusively? You are either in a committed relationship or you are not. Did he introduce you as his girlfriend or did you introduce yourself as his girlfriend? I'm getting the impression this man has not made a commitment to you and has made no promises to you about the future.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (5 July 2011):
 The hardest emotion(if you can call it that) ia Trust. 'cause you either have it or you don't...and yes it has to be earned but if he's earned it in the past you either hold on to it or wait until he breaks it. Now if he's broken your trust by all means read him the riot act. otherwise hold him close and tell him about your insecurities about this person.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 July 2011):
 I think you need to stop keeping an eye on your boyfriend or you might just push him away. If I were you I would just let this drop. Off course it is going to be awkward and she probably didn't know how to react with you. Maybe she didn't want the relationship to end or maybe she just felt awkward being in the same company as her ex and his new girlfriend. I think most girls would be the same if they were throwing in to that situation. Maybe the break up is still a bit raw for her and she doesn't want to see him with another woman. Which is quite acceptable. She made the best effort she could. I believe your boyfriend on this one, you need to be more careful before you drive him away with all of your insecurities.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (5 July 2011):
 Actually, I believe your boyfriend on this one.
Anytime there's an ex meeting the girl he sees right after her, and there might have been unresolved feelings or possibly a messy breakup, it's going to be awkward.
She might have still had feelings for him, but it's a blow to her pride knowing that he chose you over her. So it will be awkward. She might not be able to put on the easy going act with you.
I would let the whole thing go, to be honest, unless they get back into contact. She's an ex, so it's going to be awkward unless enough time has passed. 6 months isn't much time, hence the awkwardness.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2011): It sounds like she is bitter about the situation. Your boyfriend probably has his reasons for not wanting to discuss her (maybe he just likes to avoid uncomfortable topics), but if I were you, I would at least want to know how he knows her. It doesn't sound like cheating, though, because she sounds pretty bitter. And even if the "business meeetings" did include his ex-girlfriend, he ultimately chose you. Just be happy with that for now and see if your love grows to a full commitment.
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