A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:im writing this to ask for advice and to also tell someone how im feeling because im literally driving myself crazy thinking about things and worrying and somehow just writing this and telling strangers how im feeling feels like such a weight off my shoulders. sorry its so long..i just really need to get it all outi dont know who i am anymore. i feel so down all the time and im struggling to make sense of my life. i have really strong feelings for my friend (my female friend) and i dont know what to do. im not gay. well at least i dont think so. i dont know. i have feelings for her that i never knew i could have. I want to be with her all the time. i think about her all the time. When im with her i want to kiss her. i dont sleep because im thinking about her. its affecting every aspect of my life...just thinking about her has taken control of my life. so...i told her how i feel a couple of months ago and she was cool about it. she didnt really say much. But now, everytime she gets drunk she texts me and says that she wishes she was with me and she needs me. And then when she is sober she says that it was just the drink talking. we've kissed twice when she was sober, and 5 times when she has been drunk. I told her that she cant keep doing this to me but she says its complicated and she isnt sure about things. i try talking to her about it but we both just get stressed out. Im 21, i feel as though i should have more control over my life. i know im still young and should be having fun but i cant move on from someone who keeps changing her mind about being with me. I know that i shouldnt wait around for someone who isnt sure about who they are or what they want from me but i think she is just as confused as me. How can i move on from this? should i move on? should i wait for her to work out whats going on in her head?i dont even know whats going on in MY head. i dont think im gay. i just like her for who she is not based on her gender. i cant make any sense of this and its driving me mad. Im literally in tears as i write this because i just dont know how to move on in my life with all this going on. why does it have to be so hard and so confusing?? i walk around pretending that everything is ok-its like i put on a mask in public and pretend im someone who is happy and normal because i dont want anyone to see that im weak and cant cope. This is seriously messing with my head. im so sorry this is so long and thankyou to anyone who has taken the time to read it.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2010): I'm sorry to hear you're in that situation, I'm in one very similar and I know that it's not easy at all to cope with. The only thing I can suggest is just telling her very clearly how you feel and that it's really screwing with your head and that she needs to make up her mind. She obviously cares about you and so maybe if she understood properly how you're feeling she wouldn't treat you in this way. Good luck, let us know how it goes :-) xx
A
female
reader, nessabarela505  +, writes (2 March 2010):
It's normal for a two females who have been friends for awhile for one to develop feeling for the other one and in your case she just doesn't want a relationship with you but she teases you. Maybe you need time aloneand ignore her txts or calls when she is intoxicated talk to her when she is completly sober. Tell her how you feel and let her know what is that you want from her and if she doesn't feel the same maybe you shouldn't worry too much. I've had this happen to me with my friend for almost now 5 years and a half and I realized yes I was attached to her but I got over her she moved I moved on and were still the best of friends.
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A
male
reader, James-Thomas +, writes (2 March 2010):
I feel so sorry for your situation. Whether its about another girl, or a guy, it doesnt really matter. You have a crush on someone and they are not responding as you would like, and that's always hard.
What I think is very important is not to let it dominate every aspect of your life. I know this is extremely hard to do. But you still have everything else in your life that you still have to attend to.
I also think that if you are not sure if you are gay or not, then perhaps try spending time with gay woman to see if that lifestyle is really what is for you.
Finally, please spend some time with friends. I find just enjoying the company of a few friends can be a great help to clear your mind and make situations much easier to deal with.
Good luck and let me know if this helped
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