A
male
age
36-40,
*ttudyo
writes:One, before anything else... i suck at dating...Two, sorry for writing too much... but its because of #1I've met a girl last December and we've been dating since January. It seems to me she was of the caring and loving kind. So as we started to date I kinda got the feeling she was getting very "infatuated"? while I just wanted to keep it casual for a while. We just saw each other every other weekend. But her nicks in IM programs and social webs freaked me out a little bit.At our 3rd date I was 200% sure she wanted to kiss me (and I wanted it, too) but that day I thought it would be better if we had the chance to talk things clearly about where we were standing... ...i mean what i expected and what she expected... ...since I am planning on leaving the country in about as much as a year from now.Well, finally on our 5th date we kissed, but she did it so lovingly that I didn't quite enjoyed it. I got a very funny feeling I was doing her wrong, since we hadn't talked about us yet and I thought she was taking things very seriously.Two days later I got the courage to talk things clearly... (i know, i know i should've done it before) and she didn't quite gave me an answer back... she just said she liked me very much and would like to continue dating with me...Three days later she called me to meet up another day. To sum it up: she basically told me she likes me a lot, but she would be devastated if it got serious and then i got to leave.. that i should've talked before kissing her... and that although she wanted to hang out with me so much.. her logic told her it would be best to leave it there...(i almost had to take the words out of her at first, thought she didn't cry or anything)She told me she had a terrible week when we spoke about the situation. And that we shouldn't hang out anymore, but keep beeing friends??I just wanted your thoughts on the story and the following questions???The tiny extra detail here is that i haven't dated anyone for six years now, and I'm feeling terrible about blowing an opportunity here with a very lovely girli don't feel like being friends.. since i like her a lot and talking with her would just remind me of that... should i've told her that???did I do things totally wrong??should i call her see how she's doing? should i try to get back to her??by the way, my best female friend said that it is totally weird that a girl gets that affectionate after so little time and so few dates...if you need more details please just ask for themThank you
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male
reader, Sttudyo +, writes (11 March 2010):
Sttudyo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionand oh.. yeah.. she just blocked me on MSN... how bout that friendship??!!!
A
male
reader, Sttudyo +, writes (11 March 2010):
Sttudyo is verified as being by the original poster of the question@strongfp:
its kinda curious we ended up in similar situations, and that's perfect feedback for me. In fact, she is quite a bit younger than me, too. I have to say I felt very bad about this still today, but I'm starting to "feel" the logic of it.
I'm pretty sure that if we'd continued we would've fell for each other. And as I still appreciate her much, I think I'm ready to forget about all this so she can forget about me, too. I feel like I did hurt her with false hopes of an eventual romance.
I think I don't want to let it go.. because I don't date much.. =( ...but I know that's just selfish. I hate the idea of friendship with her, because we were never friends in the first place, we started dating because we liked each other logically. The idea of talking to her or meeting up with her would only remind me how much I like her, and that I can't have her as I did before.
Thanks for sharing your story, too.
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A
male
reader, Sttudyo +, writes (11 March 2010):
Sttudyo is verified as being by the original poster of the question@janniepeg:
you're totally right.. the mystery is gone. But I get the feeling that maybe she did it to see if I come back??? and if I do it would be on her conditions???
By taking charge you mean I should get with her again? I feel I already was honest about it all, and I felt she had something left to say..
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (11 March 2010):
 I don't think kissing on the 5th date is too early but I believe I should wait for the guy to take the initiative. You may be slow to warm up but she has to be patient. Now the mystery is gone, she seems needy and you feel no incentive to chase. Realize this is just a dumb chasing game. Follow the rules and you end up feeling awkward about where you stand. Forget about what to do, what to say, when to go out, etc. Make up your own rules. If she's a good girl, why not just take the plunge and ask her out again? Start over and show her how you would like to pace this. Be a man and take charge.
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