A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met this girl about 18-20 months ago when I started my new school to do my A-levels. I'm 18 years old, and so is she. About a month in, I decided to stand up and dance to Michael Jackson's Thriller in front of half the sixth form (like, 150 people?) when it came on the common room TV. Turns out she was a big MJ fan like me, and we got talking from there. These past 6 months, I've been getting really close to her. In December, I took her on our first date to the cinema, it was great.On New Years Eve, I phoned her up at midnight and told her I really liked her. I asked her if she'd be my girl, and she said no. I accepted this, even though I was completely gutted. But I still carried on seeing her.Around February time, we had a school talent show. I was doing a rendition of Eminem, and I needed a singer to play the part of Dido. She was already leading a dance routine, but offered to sing for me. So we both practised really hard, and spent loads of time together in the process. After the talent show, she told me that she liked me too, and I was over the moon. All my hard work had paid off.So about 2 weeks later, when we were out clubbing, I decided to ask her out. She wasn't sure on the idea (weird, I know), and then I accidentally made the biggest mistake of my life. I told her I loved her. This really shocked her and made her take a step back. She didn't believe me, but I'd known her for a year at this point, and I can honestly say she's the most amazing girl I've ever met, we have so much in common, and she's the only girl who truly understands me. Anyways, my best friend had a word with her, and about an hour later, she changed her mind and decided to go out with me. I've never been so happy in my life.The next day however, the told me that she felt pressured into going out with me by my friend, and suggested we take a step back and see each other a bit more first. I agreed, as I saw logic in her words. But a few days later, she told me that her feelings for me were gone, and she only wanted to be friends with me.Fast forward about 3 months to now. We spent those 3 months constantly texting, seeing each other. Yes. I was in the friendzone (and technically still am). She's now had a new boyfriend for about 3 weeks, which makes me completely jealous. She tells me I'm the nicest guy she's ever met, and she would dump her boyfriend anyday just to be friends with me. But I can't be her friend anymore. I love her more than anything, she means the world to me. But I feel I can't be around her in such a manner. I want to hold her all the time, and I'm always so tempted to kiss her and stuff. She's absolutely adorable. I can't do this though if she's got a boyfriend and doesn't share mutual feelings.I think I'm going to break off our friendship this week. What should I do? She's changed my life, and I really don't want to lose her. She means the world to me, and I know I mean a hell of a lot to her as well. But she dominates my thoughts, and I'm not the type of guy to wait around on a girl. I want to move on with my life and be happy again. My life's been a rollercoaster since she broke up with me. She'll probably hate me for it. But the way I see it, I can only be with her in a relationship.
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best friend, broke up, clubbing, jealous, move on, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (16 May 2010):
 I see you understand how things will happen. But this is about keeping your distance from her, right? There's no hopes. And what you need to drill into your mind is that you won't be with her.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's just that, I feel the more time I spend away from her, the more time she's spending with her new boyfriend and forgetting how close we are. If I didn't see her all summer, we'd have nothing by the end of it, and they will have started sexual relationships no doubt. If that happens, I don't think I'll ever want to see her again.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (16 May 2010):
A week seems like a lot now, but think of it this way: "I've already spent a week without her. Well, that means I can spend another week without her". And, once you reach the two weeks, you can think that you can go four weeks. And so on.One lesson we all need to learn is that we can indeed survive without someone we loved to bits.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've gone a week now without speaking to her or even texting her. Usually we'd text each other all day and night, so this is about as distant as I've been since I've known her. Thanks for the advice guys. I guess I've just gotta see how this goes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2010): Do what you think is best, from what you've told me breaking off the friendship might be the best option for you. It is a sticky situation you have on your hands, I only hope that not being friends with her wont cause you more pain than if you stay friends with her.
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A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (16 May 2010):
 I agree with Daniel. Don't end the friendship. Just take some time out to be away from her. Constantly seeing her has not allowed you to curb your feelings for her. If you step back a bit she will be hurt but she should understand. If you tell her the friendship is over she will be hurt and perhaps she will understand. But if you enjoy her company, a good friend is hard to come by. I know if you step back for awhile your feelings will lesson for her and you really will be able to enjoy the friendship one day.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (16 May 2010):
All you need to do is make yourself unavailable for some time. You'll be doing the right thing, for her and for you.
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