A
female
age
36-40,
******love*******
writes:I’m confused. I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year; I love him a lot and care for him. He has a child of 3 with another woman...A few days ago she called and they ended up arguing. He was really upset, he said when she broke up with him just before we met she broke his heart, her reasons were that she felt trapped and didn’t want a relationship and that she wanted a single life so she could club and travel when she wanted to.I feel hurt because I feel like all through our relationship he was hoping to get back with her, I feel like this has impacted on the type of relationship we have.I think his family were still under the impression that they were together as well as his daughter.He’s said he’s now over her, and knows he hasn’t put in 100% into our relationship, he’s always treated me well but I always felt there was something missing. He’s says I’m the best thing that ever happened to him but can say if he loves me.He says he’s been hurt twice by different women and so finds it hard to trust women. I don’t know what to do, I love him a lot and want to be with him but it all seems so complicated? I don’t think he’s had time too heal... as we started our relationship just as his other one ended.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2009): Dear if he says you are the best thing that ever happened to him but he cant say he loves you coz he got hurt before than he shouldn’t be with you until he is ready to say that ad believe it and mean it 100% I understand how you must be feeling right now, but what he did was not right, you probably feel if she had to come back into his life that he would just throw you to the side and pick up where he left of with her. We all suffer heart ache one twice maybe even 10 times in our life, but its unfair for him to keep you hanging, maybe you should tell him its fine if he cant say that he loves you, but you will not be able to be with him if he cant give you all of him, I can hear how much he loves you, but perhaps he needs to be pushed you know like a 5 year old who is scared of the pool coz of a bad experience, if you don’t take that child by the hand and show him that its safe, he wont try it coz he’ll be scared, but he needs to be willing to try, and you cant have a relationship with a person if you cant trust that they wont hurt you, yes I feel for him, I know how hard it is to take your cracked hart and just hand it to someone else not knowing if they gona break it or love it, but that leap of faith might just change his life, and he needs to realize that you have stuck around for a year, not coz he’s rich, not coz he drives a nice car, but becoz you love being with him, you love spending time with him. He needs to be honest with himself and you, will he ever be able to give you his heart and trust you not to break it? Coz its not fare on you to be in a relationship like this, as much as he deserves to have someone love and care for him 100% so do you, and you need to say that, if he cant give you his all right now, then perhaps its better not to be with him, I don’t like this answer myself, I am the romantic always saying if there is something worth fighting for you should do it, so the option lies with you, is there anything worth fighting for here? Do you think this man will ever open up to you completely? Introduce you to his family? If yes then fight as hard as you can and love him unconditionally but if you say no, dear then it might be better for you to move on. I personally hope that you fhave something to fight for.
Please let me know what happens
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