A
female
age
41-50,
*rsboosh
writes:Im not sure where we are going anymore.I have been with my partner for 18 months now,though i have known him for over 4 years(we were friends for a long time) Our relationship has always been a long distance one,he is currently in kabul i see him for 10 days every 2 weeks.It never used to bother me,but now we are getting more into the relationship it does,im tired of being alone all the time,i have friends and i work look after the house and my two girls,but its starting to take its toll on me.I love him incredibly and he says the same,but somewhere deep down i wonder if he is ever going to change his job and live with me permanately.We talk every day,and exchange emails and photo's all the time.I just dont think he is ever going to commit to me properly and fully,he's been married twice and is still married to his 2nd wife,i on the other hand have never been married he knows my feelings on the subject,but i also get the feeling that he doesn't ever want to get married again.I wont ask him about it either as it's not a subject i like to talk about.Im not getting any younger and i would hate to look back in ten years and feel that i wasted time with someone who didnt want the same things as me.What do i do?
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female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (16 September 2011):
 Excellent!
A
female
reader, mrsboosh +, writes (16 September 2011):
mrsboosh is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanks for the replies,i just came out and asked exactly where he saw our relationship heading i.e would he ever want to be married,or not want to take the plunge again.he said before he didnt want to get married,but since he has met me i have changed his mind,and he would like us to be married at some point.so at least i know where i stand now.
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A
female
reader, Lola1 +, writes (8 September 2011):
You are welcome, mrsboosh. :-)
If you two are truly soulmates, then maybe time is all that is needed. If he is married still (or a divorce is not yet finalized), and you've been seeing each other only 18 months, it might be he is happy to have found you, but not yet ready to marry.
It doesn't hurt to know if it is in the cards at SOME point, though.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, mrsboosh +, writes (7 September 2011):
mrsboosh is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your input lolal,its always helpful to get someone else's insight.Its not so much that i dont like to talk about his feelings or our relationship's future,it's more a case of i don't want to scare him by constantly asking where we are going,even though it is a concern.As far as ending it with him is concerned i don't think i could,we both believe we are soulmates,he does say that i am his world and i never ever feel that he doesn't love me.I guess in a way i just want to be married,to feel like someone wants me enough for that,maybe i need to grow up though and accept that marriage may not be meant for me.But what you say makes sense,ask him once and for all,then decide what to do next.Thank you for taking the time to answer my question :)
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A
female
reader, Lola1 +, writes (7 September 2011):
Hmmm... ordinarily I would suggest a conversation with him, but you have already said you won't ask him about his feelings because it is not a subject you like to talk about. Since they have yet to invent a magic eight ball that actually works, we are not left with many other options.
You have to ask yourself the following question: Are you content to leave things as they are or are you in a place in your life where you need more from your partner? Raising two children on your own can be hard and asking for a life partner that you can build a future with is not too much to ask out of life.
The answer is simple if not necessarily easy. Ask him what he hopes to come from your relationship, when you are ready to hear that he might not be emotionally available to commit the way you want and may enjoy the freedom that comes from his travelling.
The good news is that once you know the answer, you can actually plan a course of action which could be anything from a) staying with him for now and enjoying what you have, or b) looking for someone else who is emotionally and physically available for what you are looking for, or c) planning a future with him, now that he has said he wants that and is prepared to change jobs and finalize his most recent divorce.
It might take some courage, but I wish you good luck! :-)
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