A
male
age
51-59,
*aronon
writes:......how to deal with rejection?(I have had rejection many times, and had no sex life for around 7 months, some people say masturbate but i think its a waste of energy and fluid and is self harm so i cannot enjoy masturbation, and this apparenty leads to anger , also if i masturbate to ejaculation the i would be deflated and no good if i did meet a woman!!!!! so how does a man deal with rejection? I am fed up of drinking too much and resorting to drugs to relax my body and mind, I do not talk to women or approach them because of many past rejections.... so what does a man do?)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CJH +, writes (16 December 2010):
 We all have a different view on masturbation I guess. To my mind its one of the most natural things you can do and it does help to relieve pressure. Think long and hard about your attitude towards it. I`m not suggesting you sit there playing with yourself all day long but - if you open your mind to it, it may well help you to cope for the time being.
You talk about your misery driving you to drink and drugs and I have to say I disagree - its your weakness, not your misery and its probably one of the reasons youre finding it hard to meet a woman who is attracted to you.
Get yourself straight - off the drugs and excessive drinking before you even think about finding Mrs Right. Turn the tables for a second here, if you meet a woman who is out of her head on drugs or is constantly drunk, are you going to want to be with her? The answer has to be no doesnt it?
Once youre happy with yourself, youre going to find that the right woman will be happy with you too - until then forget it!
Finally, think about masturbation again, seriously, theres no harm in it, theres no "waste" either. Many people actually believe that its a natural and necessary function of the body. You seem to worry far too much about things which, in turn leave you thinking drink or drugs are the answer, trust me, theyre really not.
A
female
reader, Weeble +, writes (16 December 2010):
1. Get off the drink and drugs! Generally these are not attractive to women.
2. You're going to hate this answer - keep meeting more women! You've got more chance of finding someone by going and looking than by waiting for one to come and find you - as a general rule of thumb, most women do not expect to do the initial chasing and particularly the attractive confident women.
3. Take the pressure off yourself and learn to treat women as people rather than a foreign species out to hurt you. Women can smell desperation in the same way sharks can smell blood, and it's not an attractive feature.
4. Work on improving yourself, increasing your own confidence and self assurance - a confident man is more attractive to most women than a slightly better looking but wimpy one. Do whatever makes you feel better and more secure about yourself, whether this means working out more at the gym, taking up hobbies so you've got more things to talk about, get your personal grooming up to scratch etc.
5. Accept that everyone gets rejected from time to time. Look critically at the kind of women you're approaching: if she's openly into someone else, not good chances. Maybe she's an outdoors sporty kind of girl and you'd prefer to curl up on the couch, so again obvious mismatch. Think carefully about what kind of woman you'd like in your life - does it matter if she's a) career orientated b) is divorced c)is very inexperienced?
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