A
female
age
30-35,
*winn
writes:Hey guys! So me and my bf has been together for almost 2 years now and we have an amazing relationship. He's only a year younger than me but i feel like he has so much growing up to do and it literally drives me crazy! My biggest mistake was taking all of out classes together cuz i feel like his mom sometimes ( he never knows what the home work is, what were doing in class, when anything is due) and i'm sick of it. I mean i'm not going to break up with someone because they're not " mature" enough but what do u think? Do you think he will eventually grow up and i should just be more patient with him? Also is it bad that i don't picture myself marrying him? I think he's good for me, for now but as i get older i plan on being a different and better person so i would want someone whose also like that and on the same level as me. Idk what to do! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 April 2013):
 "I am not going to break up with someone because they are not mature enough "- actually that sounds to me a very good reason to break up . It means that you are at two noticeably different levels psichologically and in how you deal with everyday's life, and I don't see how this cannot create frustration, disappointment and distance. You can be good playmates , but not really equal partners.
You are starting getting sick of the dynamics now, and while I don't think there is anything wrong in dating someone for right now, I don't know if it's wise dragging things on to the point where you won't be just sick, but totally exhausted and disgusted.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (15 April 2013):
 I will answer your direct question first, but your post made me observe something that I would do a disservice to you by not pointing it out.
First, I know what you mean. I've dated some guys who I knew there was no future with. There's no shame in that. However, if you *do* meet the man that grabs ahold of your heart and stops the world, would you rather meet him when you are single and unencumbered, or would you like to meet him while you're in a relationship with this other guy? You're a good person, so cheating is out. If you don't feel anything for this guy, best to cut him loose now, don't you think?
NOW, what I saw in your post when I read between the lines:
You said this - "My biggest mistake was taking all of out classes together cuz i feel like his mom sometimes ( he never knows what the home work is, what were doing in class, when anything is due) and i'm sick of it."
That is a classic repeatable cycle. You feel like his mom because you put yourself in that position, and if you don't recognize THAT you put yourself in that position, and especially HOW you did it, you'll do it in the next relationship, and the next, and the next, and the next.
Mothering is nurturing, so it can creep up on a relationship almost without perception, and as the months and years go by, it gets more pronounced. Soon, guys will feel like they're being nagged to death, and girls - well you're there already, sick of having to "mother" him.
If you recognize the pattern, you can stop it. Don't ever mother any guy you date. He seemed to be breathing before you met him, and he'll make his way just fine. I'm not criticizing you at all, but sometimes we become the self-fulfilling prophecy we get sick of! It's possible the guy you're dating lets you mother him because he feels it as your affection for him. You're sick of it, but at the same time, it's a little bit of an ego boost to be the one with the answers. If the genders were reversed, it would be a "damsel in distress" situation.
Bottom line, if you don't like him, best to cut ties and free yourself. And especially, don't let yourself take on a mother role, or you'll do it in every relationship.
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (15 April 2013):
 Hi
You can help him by stopping the help you give, so he can learn from his mistakes. He is not unusual,lots of lads try to juggle and find it hard to focus at his age.
You have said yourself *you* plan on being a different and better person as you get older, so maybe he will become one too.
Give him a chance,hold back on the mothering, as he sounds great otherwise
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (15 April 2013):
I think most guys are like this at that age range so I don't think there is anything strange going on. You could always be patient and see how it works out, it doesn't sound like he is treating you mad and it is not liek you are going to get married anytime soon anyway.
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