A
female
age
30-35,
*uhmaris
writes:There's a guy I went to school with that I had a minor crush on, which eventually led to us meeting after parting out seperate ways and us starting a relationship. He's, or what everyone would consider, the perfect kind of guy. Here's the problem, I see our relationship as more of a friendship. I brought it up, stating "You know what scares me? Our relationship is more like a friendship." His response, "Yeah I know. It's because we're comfortable around eachother." and so, he proceeded with a completely different conversation.I can talk to him, but not about everything. I trust him, but not with in depth thoughts like this.I've thought about it, for about a month now, and I feel like the kind of "love" I have for him is caring friendship. We've been together for four months. I know I jumped the gun when I started dating him, especially since my lifestyle was/is changing so drastically, with school and career choices to a more responsible adult lifestyle. I'm not falling in love with him, and I don't see me falling that deep.So, how do I bring this up without ruining a friendship, or better said, how do I even bring this up, without scaring myself crapless and/or giving him the opportunity to change the subject?What should I do?
View related questions:
crush Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010): It's probably going to be awkward.
Take a deep breath and get it over with.
A
female
reader, duhmaris +, writes (26 July 2010):
duhmaris is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo, we have not had any form of intimacy/sex. I guess my real problem is, how do I say or bring it up? When I want to, I choke up and can't. I feel like I can't breath, that's how scared I get. I completely understand the whole we may or may not be friends situation, but is there anything I could say to make things less awkward?
...............................
A
male
reader, rivi +, writes (24 July 2010):
Unclear from your question: are you having sex with him and if so is that something you are both enjoying ?
If so no need to jettison that in a hurry.
Can't see why you can't tell him the truth about how you don't see it developing into anything deeper and maybe you can keep on with the sexual mutual satisfaction [ if that is in fact happening ] whilst both being free to hook up with others.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2010): You tried once. He changed the subject because he didn't understand OR he knew what you were getting at.
Do the same thing again, but when he changes the topic, change it back and tell him it's something you really need to talk about. Explain what you said to us. I think it was stated very well.
As for not ruining a friendship, there are no guarantees there. Tell him that you very much want to remain friends with him, which leaves the door open for him to accept or just walk away. It might take him time to adjust to being "just friends," particularly if you two have engaged in any kind of intimacy at all.
Best of luck!
...............................
|
