My boyfriend is inconsistent, irrational, confused, irregular, and indecisive, and wants to leave for another man.

A male age 36-40, anonymous writes:

When my boyfriend and I met it was just total curiosity. We didn't know what we were getting into, but we made a life together. We had our trials and still had trials. Every time we made it through a problem I felt closer to him. We both had a bad experiences with love so we had barriers to overcome. I had play catch up with his likes so I could be more intune with him. All I asked was that we have Honesty, integrity, communicating, and trust. We did so good for a year even when we were living with my screwed up roommates. When we first met I was paying for most of our expenses, I told him I loved him and whatever was mine was also his and that I knew if I was him he would do the same. Well later I lost my Job managing, now it was up to him to pick up the slack. That is when our problems started to happen, we couldn't do as much as we could but to me as long as I had him it didn't matter if we had a piece of string to play with as long as I was with him. Well towards 2 years I noticed that he was distancing himself from me and was lacking the very basic needs for myself, but knowing me I trusted that he would figure out what was bothering him and that he would come to me when he felt right. Well 2 and a half years into our relationship he just ups and tells me he doesn't want to be with me and that I don't make him happy like I used to and that he doesn't love me the same way I love him, he said that he came about this in a week, I am sorry I don't believe you just fall out of love with someone you have been with for 2 and a half years in just a week. Then he mentioned that he was falling in love with his best friends boyfriend which by the way is a young mess of a child, he doens't have any good outlook for the future and is a loud mouth and spouts inpersonal info about people and his own boyfriend. I don't know what he is thinking or what is going on as he doesn't say anything to me. I feel like he is indecisive, confused, inconsistent, and just long winded. This was a blow to the stomach. He hasn't shown much of any emotion to ending our relationship to me or his friends. He seemed content to end the relationship. If anyone can shine light onto what he is thinking or if anyone has had a similar experience please tell me. The other problem is despite the fact that he basically ripped my beating heart from my back and I can't stop thinking about him. I was so good for a week and just now I am crying and I feel like crap, I just want to forget ever having a life and I want to stop thinking we will be together again, any advice on how to get over him faster. I surround myself with friends and family and started to pick up on my personal hobbies more but I cant get him out of my mind. No matter how much I talk to him he doesn't want me and he made it clear that he doesn't want to spend his life with me. He acknowledge we had some work in our relationship to fix which was minor details, but he just says he is becoming someone he doesn't want to be and he needs to be himself. I don't understand, we both changed to accommodate each other's needs, which again were small sacrifices, but then again I guess he regrets what he had to sacrifice, but why would you lie about it for years, why drag me in the dirt for so long?

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A male reader, rivi  +, writes (24 July 2010):

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