A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my husband for nearly 18 years, we have two teenagers, we have had sex issues for almost 16 years of our relationship, me being the one who doesn't want it. I love him dearly and don't want to lose him, we have nearly split up in the past but now we are at the stage of permanent seperation.I seemed to be okay with having sex when I wanted my children but apart from that I always felt too tired or that it was not as important to me as other things.It's not like I don't enjoy sex with him, when we have sex I enjoy it, we get on very well then things go wrong again, please help me.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2009): I'm in your husband's shoes right now and I have given up on having a sexual relationship with my wife. We are now just co-parents. She enjoys sex when we have it but does not see the need for regular sex. As she is the one with the lower sex drive, she dictates when we have it. It is always a surprise to me. We had a great two week holiday with the kids and only had one intimate moment between us - the first in months. I do love her but I am no longer in love with her. The funny things is she notices. Just the other day she caught me looking at a woman on the street. She was mad and wanted to shame me. I felt nothing - in my mind she no longer has a right to that side of me. We are no longer husband and wife in that respect. When sex is bad it becomes 80% of the relationship. When sex is good, it is just 20%. Right now it is 80% of my relationship and I am constantly thinking about the dilemma. I know it is on her mind but probably not as much. Funny that we spend so much time thinking about a few minute act we rarely do!I have no intention of having an affair or divorcing her but.... I will not live this passionless life forever. We only live once and I'm not done exploring that side of my life. The risk is this. Your husband and I are not unattractive. When someone does show an attraction, a passion - what will we do? Just like sex is not important to you right now - your sexless marriage may not be that important to him given an alternative. And an alternative is always out there.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2009): You've already answered your own question!when we have sex I enjoy itSo have sex!!! If you're going to enjoy it and it will make your husband happy then what is the problem!? The problem is that you probably let other things and thoughts of what else you could be doing get in the way. Don't! Try and just go with it, as if you will enjoy it as you say then what do you have to lose?if he really loves you he will stayWell not necessarily. He might really love you but not be able to cope with your disinterest. Believe me I know from experience that there is nothing more damaging and painful then wanting but not being allowed to have the one you love. I lay next to my partner every night full of passion and desire but nothing happens because I know it won't be appreciated. It's the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with, and my love for my partner only makes it harder.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2009): if he really loves you he will stay, but you are going to have to do others things for him, and sometimes have sex with him, maybe if he give you a massage or get you relax you might want to.some men things are about them.maybe he needs to give you more attention and affection
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