A
female
age
30-35,
*aiti30
writes:Me and my current boyfrined have been togather over a year... in our first 4 months of datuing... he was cheating on me... We are over that now... but i dont let him talk and hang out with girls because i done want him to do it again, today he was tlking to his mom, and she thinks he doesnt have a social life... and that hes more depressed cause i dont let him have frirends... i never said he couldnt hang out with guys... and i dont want ihm hanigng out with girls hes slept with... But i do know he needs some frineds... i just dont understand y they have to be girls... so how should i handle this??? do i let ihm hang out with girls??? his best friends.. .wich im clsoe frineds with is moving back... and they are so close... so his gfrined would me if he was doing anyhting wrong... but im more worried about the other girls fliriting with him and all that.. i trust him not the other girls... how do i handle this???
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female
reader, Battista  +, writes (21 June 2011):
You clearly are not "over" him cheating on you or otherwise you wouldn't have any worries about him having other girls as friends. Moreover when you say you trust him but not the other girls, that also seems a bit silly. If you trust him then surely you can rely on him not to do anything bad? As you know, it takes two people to cheat, not just one interested party, so your bf is as guilty as the woman he cheated with.
My personal opinion is that if he felt the need to cheat on you only 4 months into a relationship, and that still a year later this is having repercussions which are making you unhappy, then perhaps you should move on an find someone you can fully trust. I don't blame you if you cannot trust this guy, I just wonder whether at your age and in a relationship which had problems so early in, it's really worth pursuing when there must be loads of nice guys out there who wouldn't cheat on their gf.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2011): If you trust him now, that is good news. If he doesn't have any friends because you won't allow it and he is becoming withdrawn and depressed, then you need to do something soon.
It was really stupid of him to cheat on you. There is no defense for that. But it sounds as if he has paid his dues. You trust him now and he has proved he will give up his friends just to stay with you. Which means he must love you and regret what he did. So why not call it quits now and let him be sociable again?
Saying he can only hang out with guys wont work because they also hang out with girls. So unless you can select guy friends for him that have NO contact with girls, there will come a point when he is with other girls again. So it might be best to let him choose who he wants to hang out with and do as you say...trust him. Either it will work out OK for you both or it won't. That is up to him and his will power against temptation. But keeping him penned up will certainly NOT work for much longer by the sounds of things.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2011): "in our first 4 months of datuing... he was cheating on me... We are over that now..."
No, really you aren't. He cheated on you in the first months of your relationship. Most people can't get enough of a person in the first year of their relationship.
You don't trust him, for good reason.
If you are dating someone and they cheat on you, dump them, let them work on their problems, and find someone who treats you like you deserve to be treated.
Nobody deserves to be cheated on.
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A
male
reader, goalstopper +, writes (21 June 2011):
I don't think you should be with him. If he cheated on you already, he's most likely going to do it again. It's nice that you gave him a second chance but you have to let him go. it might be best for him as well because he said he is depressed.
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