| A
female
,
*ytoo
writes: I would describe my husband as a good-looking, nice and funny man. He does however have a bad habit that has been pursuing us for two years now. Two years ago I found a lot of trash on my computer (nudity)...I asked him if he visited those websites. He of course denied. I tried to make clear to him that it didn't matter that much if he wanted to look at those things every now and then but that he should at least be honest about it. He kept denying and saying they were pop-ups, which they weren't. I almost went out of my mind because he was registered on several video websites and also that he kept denying. He doesn't know how that happened, he says.Then there is also television. My husband is Arab and as long as I'm in the living room, he has the habit of sticking to watching these Arab channels. Often I can see the boredom in his eyes and he'll just put on something even more boring like the news or so and turn away, pretending to be asleep...This means to me as much as: "Could you please leave the room". I then get up and say: Maybe it's time to go to bed. And then I go to bed and he" 'll be right there" and he'll stay up until sometimes 4 in the morning to only then join me. "It's very important that my bedroom door be closed and that there's a cover over the window in the door", so that he won't bother me, he says.(bedroom next to living room) I hate sleeping with closed doors, but ok, I did him that favour. I told myself for a long time, even though I get very lonely at night, that maybe he's just not the type that goes to sleep early. Then after a while I found out that he spends his night time watching erotic movies on television and lapdances on the internet until the weee hours, while I'm waiting in bed. And of course when he comes to bed, he falls asleep. Not that we don't have sex...We do, and after that he'll just return to the living room and I go to sleep. I've confronted him today again with all of this, but it only seems to portray me as a hysterical, jealous wife, when all I want is a little bit of honesty. Why can't we watch foreign tv-stations together? When I turn one on, he pretends to find French, English, German...Tv-stations dead-boring. And at night it's exactly these stations he'll watch on the hunt for some nudity. Isn't that a bit hypocritical?I wish he would admit this, that would be one first step to a good talk, but he keeps telling me all women are the same, that they check upon there husbands, that I'm seeing things that aren't there, that I'm insulting him, that I should not risk our marriage for such a stupid obsession...That he was just browsing the tv-channels (I SAW him press the number of a specific channel with adult programs...That's not browsing, that's having been there again and again and having memorized the channel number...Pretty sharp for someone who supposedly only watches the Arab channels). I'm tired, I just had a baby, I feel pretty unattractive, I lack sleep, I'm having heavy emotions and I've had it. It doesn't take a cheating man get tired of a 5-year old wedding. Because that's always the end of his retorics: I don't drink and I don't cheat, what do you want more?
View related questions:
jealous, lapdance, porn, the internet, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2008): i found my bf had been looking at naked pics of girls, i'm just glad it wasnt males. i'm not bothered if he looks at porn but he denied it nd said it was probably his son. i'm hurt more at the fact he lied to me, nd i'm very self-consious as it is...how am i meant to compare to these girls. believe me i'm trying to forget about it cos it'll just eat you up.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2008): Try reading "At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry" by Steve Gallagher.
...............................
A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (18 December 2006):
 He may be embarrassed. It may be a phase which will pass. You need to ask him about it, all you will egt here are random answers. Only he will know the truth about his actions.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2006): im different than you to be honest your a better woman than me. I walked in on my boyfriend looking at porn he turned the computer off fast i asked him was he looking at porn but he denied it until i said i saw the screen. i feel terrible now its as though hes cheating on me i wouldnt mind him watching it with me but when he does it on his own i think hes some kind of pervert. and what can he get from porn that i cant give him. we have a very healthy sex life. so what am i doing wrong.
...............................
A
female
reader, Lytoo +, writes (7 December 2006):
Lytoo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat's the whole point, conf.dink., as long as he denies it all, there is no possibility to sharing anything. And that's what makes me feel so isolated. I'm also very interested to talk and try out new things.
Ok, if he maybe wants to enjoy the watching privately, but then tell me so, "stop lying about it, because I saw you with my own eyes."
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2006): Some men like to view porn in private and they like it to be a secret.
I know this is going to sound really strange but, I would acctually like it if my husband were watching those type of channels then maybe he would try some new things on me!.
But in all seriousness, if it bothers you that much why dont you just come out and say "look I know that you watch these cahnnels and I'm fine with it, but I just wish that you could admit it".
Maybe you could even suggest watching them with him if your comfortable with it.
But if not then just let him know that if there are things that are bothering him, or if he has something he would like to try then you are always open for suggestions.
I find that men tend to watch porn if they have a fantasy that the want to fulfill i.e: maybe he enjoys a type of domantrix fantasy and he might think that you would never be interested in trying it, so he gets his kicks by watching it instead.
Thats just an example, but as long as you dont mind him looking at porn, (I have to say that most men are looking and they will never admit it!!), then dont worry about him denying it.
Okay good luck in everything you do.
XXX
...............................
|
