A
female
age
36-40,
*ona2010
writes:I met a great guy online (through friends on Facebook) and we've been talking a lot. He just finished his MBA at university and will begin working soon. He traveled and lived across Canada and in different countries around the world. He's cute, intelligent, funny and sweet. I know no prince charming exists, but so far he's really great. I'm vegan and he's willing to try out a new diet to cut down his meat consumption. :) The problem is, I haven't been in that many relationships. Quite a few, actually, and it isn't because I couldn't find a guy or anything like that. I've been told I'm cute, intelligent and funny. I can easily get a guy's attention (not intentionally, I'm too shy to be a flirt). I'm just quite attached to my family and I'm worried that by committing to a relationship, we'll grow apart. Life is so short and spending time with my parents is important to me. I want them to be a part of my life as much as possible. I always pictured having them as neighbours and my children could see them every day. I think it's important for a family to stay close. I'm especially close to my mother and it would break my heart if I had to live far away from her.Should I be clear about this to him before we start dating? He lives in another city and he loves it there. I don't mind being anywhere in the world, for as long as my parents can be with me. I'm worried he might call me a spoiled brat, mama's girl or something hurtful. I'm really not, I'm very independent. It's just that family unity is important to me. Is this wrong? Is there anyone out there who thinks like me?Thank you,Mona
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (11 October 2010):
 Well, Mona, we all want to be with our loved ones as much as possible, but there are some aspects of our lives that not only don't include our parents, but actually must exclude them. You have to cut the umbilical cord at some point if you are to become a well-rounded individual. That does not mean that you have to live ten thousand miles away from your parents and never ever see them, but it does mean that you have to live a life that's does not revolve around them. And, surprisingly as it might sound to you, they also need to live a life that does not revolve around you.
I'm curious. A Canadian girl saying this? I would expect it from people who have a more traditional rearing. It wouldn't surprise me to find this behavior in the people who were reared in the country where I live when I was young. But, even us have left that behind. I wonder if you are a Canadian of anglo descent, or what, but that is not really my business and you don't have to tell.
The best opinion on the matter was given to me many years ago by a friend of mine, who, by the way, was not reared to be independent. Her father wanted them all to live very much like you are saying you would like to live. She refused. Her opinion was, "you have to be close enough to them, only not too close".
Now, I can also say that I met this man whose mother lived next door to him. That had been their way to have independent lives, yet being close enough for the son to look after the mother, since she was very sick. That does not seem to be the case here.
If I were your man, I would want some distance from your parents. I wouldn't want Mother In Law telling me that, hey, I could perfectly well sweep the front yard, couldn't I? Or Father In Law looking angrily at me if we had an argument. You get the point.
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