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male
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anonymous
writes: I am in a situation right now with my wife, we have been married for about 2 years, and have known each other for almost 4 yrs. We got married when I was 19 and she was 20. We still live with her parents in their house. Our marriage wasnt really what I wanted, I told them that before I got married. We eventually ended up getting married from so much pressure from our families. Well, I have not loved her for about 2 and a half years. Now I am unsure of what to do, I have told her these things, and I have tried to be honest with her. Now I'm wondering if I should leave, or stay and try to make things work between us, like getting our own place. I have not loved her for so long, and I don't want to hurt her, but sometimes I feel like I'm depriving her of love, and same for myself. Right now I'm so confused from all of this. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, boycleo  +, writes (9 August 2008):
Sounds like someone doesn't want to recognize his own self worth. Stop being such a p*ssy. You have one life to live. She doesn't do it for you. Where you put on this earth to live for HER happiness? You have a responsibility to yourself first. Wife or not, you've only known this person for 4 years. Shame in you! You allowed people to pressure you into doing something you didn't want to do in the first place. Time to move on and get started with being who YOU want to be instead of who SHE wants you to be. If it were real love you wouldn't be so miserable. You'd be happy, but you're not. It's as simple as that. Don't listen to all these other fools saying, "Love takes time" etc. So far you've wasted 4 years of the best years of your life. Get out there and tap some ass. Party while you are still a young man. NO you don't love her, you just feel sorry for her. You feel guilty assuming that her world is going to fall apart if you leave her. That's not love. That's just you being a little bitch. That putting someone else's happiness before your own. BTW, that's a psychological condition that some people pay thousands of $$ to address in therapy. Let me let you in on a secrete.. EVERY woman out there has a PLAN B as to what she will do if it doesn't work out with the guy she's with. Trust me, she'll get over. She'll move on. She'll be bouncin' on some new guy's meat stick in no time. She'll get married. She'll have kids. She'll convince herself she's happy and forget ALL about you. Do you really think you're the only good-looking guy out there? Sorry to break this to ya, but somewhere really nearby there's a better-looking, more successful, wittier, more sexually experienced stud with a wang about 4" longer than yours just waiting to show Miss Sorry Ass what she's been missin' for the past 4 years. Stop feeling sorry for this chick. The sooner you get over yourself, the soon she can get over you too.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2006): Well. It sounds like you care for her and thats a start. You should always know what you can get from a situation before leaving. I agree with one of the comments posted. You deeply care about her and maybe its not the movie romance...........well there is no such thing. Love is caring for another person and taking care of them and having them do the same for you. Think about the things that you like about her and build from that. If the two of you get your own place then be positive and go into it thinking that things will work and they will.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2006): Are you sure that you dont love her??????
It sounds like you might love her. I would try to make the relationship work, getting your own place would probally solve a lot of the issues. People dont mention the other person on here much and you do. You are concerned about her and how she feels. Thats why I think you love her and even if you don't you could build on it. People split up too soon now a days. You should try everything possible so you dont have any regrets 10 years down the road.
You didnt mention what was wrong besides that you dont love her. It takes two to make a marriage fun, exciting. Try this think about something that she does in bed thats amazing. Think about it all day and build yourself up to wanting that and then when you see her act on it.......things like this will make you excited and bring back the fun in a relationship and once you have the fun again you will probally feel the love.
If there is anything that she does that upsets you talk to her and try to fix it becasue if you dont then it could be bad and do the same if there is something that is in the relationship that your doing that upsets her.....stop its the only way to make things better and bring back the passion and the love
This sounds like something you can fix........take care
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2006): Sorry to hear your problems, but it does sound like you care for her. First of all, leave both of your families out of it. You need your own place, no married couple should live with family. I love my husband, and I think you love her. You just dont realize it. Ask yourself these questions: Is she a good mom to your kids, or will she be? Will she take care of you if you were sick? Would she forgive you for you telling her that you dont love her? Will she always look out for you with regards to your career? Do you know how she sleeps? What she does in the morning? Her favorite show? How her body feels when you make love to her? If these are yes questions then you love her. I hope you realize it before its too late.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2006): Sorry to hear your problems, but it does sound like you care for her. First of all leave both of your families out of it. You need your own place, no married couple should live with family. I love my husband, and I think you love her. You just dont realize it. Ask yourself these questions: Is she a good mom to your kids, or will she be? Will she take care of you if you were sick? Would she forgive you for you telling her that you dont love her? Will she always look out for you with regards to your career? Do you know how she sleeps? What she does in the morning? Her favorite show? How her body feels when you make love to her? If these are yes questions then you love her. I hope you realize it before its too late.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2006): Reading this has made me think of a situation that I was in, and I am so glad I stayed. I was engaged for 4 years and I didnt think that I loved her, but I was wrong. I just didnt know what love was. Love is being there for each other, helping, and caring for a person. I thought love was the new, exciting feeling in a relationship. Thats not love. How can you love someone you just started dating? It was hard, but I woke up and said I am going to put my all into this. I thought, what do I have to loose? I tried more and brought the excitement back into our relationship. I stopped fighting and started to respect her feelings and wishes again. It turned out that she did the same for me. You care for your wife alot. Care and love go hand in hand. I just think that you don't realize it. Hold on to what you have because the grass is not always greener on the other side. Getting your place sounds great, but you have to make it work to bring back the passion. If you care, I'm sure you love. Just don't let the new feeling of a relationship get you confused.I know that I can't live without my wife now. I almost lost her because I didn't realize that love is not the new feeling in a relationship. Its caring for another person and taking care of them and vise versa.Good luck to the both of you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2006): Reading this has made me think of a situation that I was in and I am so glad I stayed. I was engaged for 4 years and I didnt think that I loved her, but I was wrong, I just didnt know what love was. Love is being there for each other, helping, and caring for a person. I though love was the new exciting feeling in a relationship and thats not love becasue how do you love someone you just started dating. It was hard, but I woke up and said I am going to put my all in this becasue what do I have to loose. I tried more and brought the excitement back in our relationship. I stopped fighting ang started to respect her feeling and wishes again and it turned out that she did the same for me. You care for your wife alot and care and love go hand in hand I just think that you dont relize it. Hold on to what you have becasue the grass is not always greenier on the other side. Getting your places sounds great, butyou have to amke it work to........bring back the passion, but just rember love and care go hand in hand and if you care im sure you love just dont get the new feeling of a relationship get you confused.
Good luck to the both of you.
I know that I cant live without my wife now and i almost lost her because i didnt realize that love is not the new feeling in a relationship........iits caring for another person adn taing care of them and vise versa
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male
reader, Zabadack +, writes (7 January 2006):
you're worried about her not being loved.
that sounds like you care for her quite deeply, most of these topics are people talking about themselves but you actually mention the person you dont want to hurt and say why you don't want to hurt her.. are you sure you don't love her? or is it maybe not the movie romance you believed you were going to get?
we all have high's and lows maybe you just need to remember why you even thought about marriage in the first place.
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A
male
reader, GLforever +, writes (5 January 2006):
 Well, you both already made big mistakes by succumbing to pressure from the families.
If you don't love her, it is hard to imagine how getting your own place will improve matters.
The short, sharp pain of separation and divorce will ultimately prove to be less harmful than years of misery in a loveless marriage.
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