A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:OK im a 32 yr old male...I have been married/together with my 28 yr old wife for 12 yrs...we have 3 beautiful children under the ages of 12...the last 3 years i have cheated on her with 2 ppl...there is a 3rd person who i have not had sex with but i really like...we started "seeing" each other but she decided to break it off before it got to serious and in her words messy...unfortuantely i have feelings for her and work with her...we still txt and talk all the time...im not in love w my wife but dont want to leave her because of the kids...im so confused...i dont know what to do? do i try to work it out w someone i have no feelings for for the sake of the kids? do i leave and try and new life w this other girl even tho she left me already and has said even if i leave my wife it still may not work?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2010): Be a man and tell her the truth! Look inside yourself and ask what will truly make you happy. Being a good father and husband? Or are you better off alone or with someone else? It is disrespectful to continue to hurt your wife and kids. Once was bad enough. She deserves to be with someone who truly loves and respects her. Remember, though, the grass is not always greener on the other side. Marriage takes a lot of work and communication. Tell her how you feel and what you have done. She will let you know what she wants to do. If she wants to stay and work on the marriage and you do too, then pledge to stick it out and work it through. If not, then go your separate ways. Think about how your marriage might have been different if you spent all that time and energy you've spent with other women on your own wife? Think about what kind of man you want to be. If you both are willing to put in the time and effort (with a lot of forgiveness from her and from you about you) into saving this marriage, you will see that it can grow stronger and more fulfilling. Best of luck to you both.
A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (16 April 2010):
 Why are you staying married? Is it for the kids or is it because you want to make sure you have another woman to run to before you leave? Face it: you've been in a relationship since you were 16 and you don't know how to be alone. You don't even know how to date. You know how to sneak around and cheat, but you have no idea how to date.
BTW, even if you leave your wife, the other girl is still not going to get involved with you because your life will be even "messier" than before.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2010): personally i think it's really bad you can't even communicate with your wife. i think you've already over stepped that boundry by cheating more than once.
you say 'stay for the sake of your kids' but could you imagine if they knew you were sneaking around?
& i'm pretty sure your wife already knows you've cheated because to be honest, us women, we know these things.
i think if you want to stay for the sake of the kids, for goodness sake tell your wife how you feel & see what SHE wants, because as far as it seems, it's all about what YOU want to do. but there is someone else in this relationship!
tell her, tell her everything & then if she still wants to stick around with you then i'm sure there are councilers & therapists you can talk to. but if she's got any sense she'd tell you where to go.
you say 'try a new life with this other girl'
if you wanna go for this other girl, okay. but think about the kids & think about how they'll feel. because it'll never be 'a new life'
good luck, hope you come to the right conclusion, only you can!
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A
female
reader, terrifenby  +, writes (16 April 2010):
 Staying with some-one for the sake of the kids is not a good idea. Children are very good at picking up on vibes. You may have noticed a change in their behaviour? What you have to do is be honest with yourself and leave. It is not fair on your wife or kids. She has done nothing wrong she is not the one that has fallen out of love...you are. She does not deserve to be cheated on. Just be honest and leave her. Need to talk anymore and im here if you need me
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