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I don't love my wife any more and now I'm interested in someone else...

Tagged as: Marriage problems, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 December 2005) 11 Answers - (Newest, 11 December 2007)
A male , anonymous writes:

I am a married man of the age of 21, been married for about 2 years and have never cheated on my wife, or done anything ridculous. I haven't loved my wife for so long and just am fed up with her but I feel like I'm falling for someone else I have gotten to know over the last few months. My marriage was kinda arranged but I'm just confused about the situation.

View related questions: cheated on my wife, married man

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2007):

I think any kind of marriage should be base on love.on your case you should not married her on the first place.But now you are in the marriage already Why don built the love with her and tried to understand each other differences.You will be suprise in few years you relise that she is your faith and you actualy love her more than you do.Unless she herself did not love you.Then is better to end.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2007):

I'm assuming that this is a real life situation rather than a made up one (for discussion). Ok you're 21 and it was kind of arranged but married for only 2 years and you don't love your wife anymore? Love is a commitment and not just a feeling that is here for now and gone tomorrow. Sort out your own problems at home rather than escape it through getting into another relationship!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2007):

Brother....I know man, god I know. The thing you have to remember is that love is a very confusing thing. You must have loved her at some time in your life. Try to go back to that if you want to stay with her. If not, then divorce. But explain it to her and tell her your feelings. That your not seeing someone, its just not the same. And remember when your out meeting new people. F.C.C. Funniness, Cockiness, Charming. No matter how much you weigh, or ugly you are. Women love these things. Good Luck.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2007):

The only reason you no longer love her is because you found someone else. Grow up. The grass is never greener.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2006):

I had been dating a girl for 5 /6 years and only married her because I didn't realise the options I had. On year on (and expecting our first child in 6 months time) I have absolutely no love left in me for her. I care about her and don;t want to see her hurt, but I should have walked away 5,6 maybe 7 years ago. Hear it from me now! Divorce, move on and wait until you know in your heart of hearts the woman (or man) of your desire is the person you HAVE to spend the rest of your life with - not just want. Like the others, I wish you good luck.

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A female reader, willywombat United Kingdom +, writes (3 February 2006):

willywombat agony auntDont be cruel to your wife, just tell her before children come into the equation.x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2005):

if you don't love your wife, she can probably tell. maybe she doesn't really love you either. in that case, get a divorce..you obviously aren't looking to make things work between the two of you, so end it already. maybe she'll be glad that you did too. how about talking to her about it. maybe she never wanted to marry you in the first place either. good luck!

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A female reader, happytochat Australia +, writes (27 December 2005):

You are in a marriage and have been for a couple of years, and aren't in love with her, and I'm going to assume here that you probably never really did, it was arranged.

If 2 people are married they are expecting to spend the rest of there lives together and if one or both isnt in love, then what type of life will that be? Being stuck with someone you don't love and seeing other people who you believe you would prefer to be with. It won't be a happy life will it? And then what if you have kids, they will grow up in a home where there parents don't love each other and that can set off a bitter and unpleasant and un loving environemnt and children shouldn't go up in such a state.

Thats why, I suggest you leave the marriage.

Do you think she loves you? I think that you will find shes probably not all that happy either. Because when one person in a realtionship is upset/not happy, the other person feels it too, so really she will be greatful in the end that you could be honest with her.

She will probably be upset and angry and have all these horrible emotions when you leave her, but let me tell you, if you stay with her and stay in a marriage that isnt what you want, you both will turn into bitter and horrible people, and you both don't want that do you. You areo nly young, and have so much life left! So finish this marriage now, you have plenty of time to heal from it.

good luck and I hope all goes well for you

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A reader, pops +, writes (25 December 2005):

I agree. I don't understand how a marriage can be sort of arranged when you are 19. IF this is something to do with your family religion or cultural heritage, wake up! Its almost 2006. Do yourself and favor and your wife, by getting a divorce. And tell the people who " arranged" your marriage to keep their noses out of your business. Find someone you respect and love, and then are compatible with, and who loves you and respect you to date seriously. If there is passion, and commitment to share your lives together, then, and only then, should you consider a marriage. I know people still get twisted shorts over ethnic and cultural difference, not to mention religious differences. I once asked a young woman for a date, and she refused to go out with me because I wasn't Jewish! I was hurt for about 5 minutes, and then thought, what is wrong with her? I wasn't asking her to have my children! I was asking her out on a date! Her loss. I have never given those kinds of concerns any further thought, and I still think such people are hurting themselves by limiting who they socialize with, and, yes, may eventually decide to marry. Stop now, while you are still young, and get working on a new life. The course you let yourself get talked into two years ago is obviously not working. Be polite, and kind to your wife during the divorce. No one likes to fail at anything, and a divorce is a public declaration that two people have failed to keep each other happy. It will be rough on both of you. But do it. Time will heal the wounds, and any family or friends will eventually see that the both of you were wrong for each other. You will even find family members who can't wait to tell you how they wondered how you could stay married to your wife this long, but haven't said anything out of respect for the institution of marriage!

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (25 December 2005):

eyeswideopen agony auntWhat does "My marriage was kinda arranged" mean? If you didn't want to marry this woman, then you shouldn't have. I don't care what culture you come from, marriage should be between two people that love only each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together. Otherwise marriage is meaningless. Get a divorce and both of you start over again... and do it correctly this time.

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A female reader, mommyofthree +, writes (25 December 2005):

mommyofthree agony auntIf you don't love your wife, the best thing you can do for her is tell her. Don't string her along while you make up your mind, be fair. This woman has given you her life, to have and to hold ...... do the right thing. Fess up about how ever you got to know this new lady and your feelings, it will hurt her but she will heal and probably be much better off. I am assuming that you have pretty much made up your mind and have not even considered marital counseling or anything else to try to save the relationship. Good luck.

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