A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i am 28 and i have been in a relationship for 14 years. i have never cheated so it's obvious, my bf is the only man i have ever had sex with. never consider myself to be inexperienced, never felt bad about having only one partner simply because i never wanted anyone else, never wanted to leave my man and then felt ashamed for my inexperience. i am guessing you can tell...things have changed.last time i fell in love i was 14 years old. since then i have met many man but never had feeling of that kind. my boyfriend is still my best friend, undeniably part of my life, member of my family, someone i grown up with, i am what i am because of him.. i am feeling quite guilty for what i am about to tell you, i don't love him anymore, i am not attracted to him, i distanced myself from him and all this because of the stupidest reason, i fell in love again. the stupid part is, i fell in love with a guy i a have never met.it was 21. august 2007. we met through a chat room. i liked him right away. second time we met, he sent me his photograph and i was in love. just like that. it's been 13 months now and nothing changed. i am still in love.in our online relationship nothing is changing. every minute we can we spend together.chating all night, then working time gets in the way, but we meet at lunch time, then somethings we can't avoid, then in the evening we chat again until we fall asleep beside our computers. sometimes 4 time a day, up to 7 hours in one chat. we argue, we fight, we laugh, we discuss everything, we confide in one another..only thing we avoid chating about is sex and my relationship. every week we update each other on how we look that week...if we have some big argument and we don't chat up to 2 weeks, he asks me to come again, saying he realized he could die waiting for me to call first. so you get the picture, no need to prolong this.here is the problem. the man is a biker. he drinks too much. when we met he said alcohol is not a problem, he maybe gets drunk 10 times a year. that's a lie.it's about 3 x more. he smokes,maybe for all of you smokers this is not a problem but i can't stand cigarettes. women are next issue, he is 35 years old and he never had long relationship, that man had so many women he can put some rock stars to shame. his body is far from what i would ever think i would like. thin, narrow shoulders, flat chest no pecs at all, has beer belly, his face and body are full of scars...he hates working, always trying to avoid it, spends much more then he earns then he borrows...so you can see i know all this and i still like him.and he know it and says i accept and understand him like no woman ever did. of course i do, i don't have to live with him and be cheated to and lied to. he doesn't have to make promises to me he can't keep. i am here every time he needs me and i am gone when he doesn't.i don't want to end my relationship to be with a biker. i can still think straight. no woman can put up with his way of living. i can because it's not real. he sees it too. that's why we never met. i don't think we'll ever see each other. i would never say please come,he says it all the time just because he knows i would never do so.we live 500 km away from each other. we both travel a lot and our ways cross from time to time so he believes we will bump into each other on some corner. still, i want to end my relationship, i think i don't care if i end up alone. honestly, i don't know what to do.please say what you think(english is my second language sorry for my grammar)
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best friend, chat room, drunk, fell in love, smokes Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2008): I believe the reason why your not attracted to him anymore is because u have been with him for so long and know him so well that u have got a little bored of him. that is mostly from lack of experience with guys. u didnt give yourself a chance to explore and find what type of man will fulfill your life. now that you have met this "biker" man you probebly see some excitment in him and some fun that u never had a chance to explore. it is very hard to break someones heart specially if u have been with him for so long. in this situation you have to be selfish and yet at the same time consider what would happen if that "biker" man leaves u becuase he dosent love you anymore. know that what you do to others will probebly come back and bite you. think deeply about your actions.
A
female
reader, Plain Jane  +, writes (8 October 2008):
 Maybe your prespective of this internet guy may change if you meet him in person. I can understand that the energy for that guy may be stronger than your boyfriend. Cyber world ( illusion world) is different from reality world.
When we are blinded by love, one is willing to sacrifice anything in order to fulfill the desire.....
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A
female
reader, blackberry008  +, writes (30 September 2008):
 You know what? Meet him. That is the only way for you to get rid of your feelings. Don't be ashamed or anything to try to meet him.
When you met him already, that will be the only way for your mind to be cleared.
Trust me.
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A
male
reader, StudentOfLife  +, writes (22 September 2008):
 Sometime when we end up a relationship, we realize only after how much we loved to spend time with our partner.
I believe the reason why you are not attracted to him anymore is simply because he's not trying to be. After a while, in a relationship, we get in a state called "the comfort zone". In that state, we kind of slow down on taking care of our appearance or what we do when we're with our partner.
I believe that we should always take care of ourself even in a relationship, the reason why some doesn't is because they feel as if "this is it" that they don't have to try to win your heart, they already have it now.
There's a book I've read that says there's 5 love languages in the world and if you want the "in love" experience to last for ever with your partner, you must speak each other love languages all the time. That book also gives you hint on how to find each other's love language.
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This is not much of an advice but more of result of studies. I hope that it can help you in some way.
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A
female
reader, cool girl faye  +, writes (22 September 2008):
I dont know you but i will help. i think that it will be hard to live with the man you love because of the drink and smoking. if i was you i would get to know him a lot lot better so you know everything. then i would think to your self is this what you want ? do you really love him ? is he the one for you ? will he look after you ? and then think what to do .
ps. think
bye
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