A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:am I stupid to be upset about this?So yesterday my boyfriend and I celebrated our Valentines day. I spent most of my paycheck to make it happen.As well as about 4 hours of my day preparing it.I made him a romantic Italian dinner.We had our day and everything and we finished up and realized "wow we have a lot of leftovers."So We invited his roommate and his gf over to help take care of some of the food, but we still had a ton left.Well I put it away figuring we'd bring it out again tonight for dinner...Well I sent him several messages over the span of 4hrs which he never "received."I was asking him if he wanted to come over for dinner....well he finally answered right as I was getting ready to leave my dorm to see if maybe he was in the cafeteria for supper, and wed just save the Ziti for later. Oh no...He was in his roommates gf's room eating a meal she made.That made me so mad. He didn't tell me - just assumed Id be fine with that and that i'd be happy sitting in my dorm alone eating.First off she said she was going to only make that meal for her bf, which I was mad about because I felt like she was stealing my idea.But then she invites my bf to eat with them, and I am left out of the loop.I finally get a response from my bf saying "oh, well...Ive already eaten." I was not happy. I might have been okay with it, if I was informed first...or if I didn't have a fridge full of food made specially for him. It just really hurt my feeling that he didnt even think about me on this matter. I have left overs from a dinner I made specially for him from the heart - spending all of my paycheck on, and he doesn't even acknowledge it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): I wouldn't really say that the girlfriend of the other guy 'stole' your idea of cooking a Valentines meal for her boyfriend. How many people do that? Like, everyone?!
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 February 2011):
 It will still be classified as a communication error. You believe you had established a norm of always eating together. He broke that norm. You should talk about this, about why he broke the norm, or if he even was aware that you had established this custom. It's natural that you'd expect him to eat with you if you always eat together. So why did he decide to not eat with you?
Most likely though he hasn't noticed that this norm had developed. Guy's can be pretty dense. Sometimes this improves with age, but most guys are dense and can't be expected to read the small signals. They need it black on white. Either you have a well established official rule of always eating together, or he won't acknowledge that you typically do. Guy's don't think like that. They think one day at a time, they don't think back on how things are typically done. They can follow commands if you give a clear one, they can't guess what you want out of them based on a pattern of how things have been done in the past.
However they are quick to get used to something, especially if it benefits them, without wondering who provides this particular new feature. Meaning if you do cook for him everyday he can soon grow to not appreciate it unless you keep him on his toes.
Just a little basic on guys logic. Doesn't count for all men, but for most. In particular the younger ones. Be 100% clear on what it is you want. Don't leave anything up to guessing.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell we eat together every day, I don't cook it every day - the cafeteria does. But I don't go to dinner unless he's with me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): i understand you put your heart into making the meal for him, but you shouldn't be holding it over his head that you did SUCH a good thing and why isn't he appreciating Your Good Thing more. It seems to me you're all friends with this other couple, otherwise you wouldn't have given them your scraps. it reminds me of this time my mom took us to the ballet and was all mad that we weren't praising her the entire day to thank her so much for doing this thing no one asked her to do and was holding it against us that we didn't worship her more about it. I understand you're probably thinking that's my baggage; Okay. harassing your boyfriend for four hours to eat your food that he ALREADY ate and then being mad that he ate different food is not only petty but doesn't really seem in the spirit of the holiday and all. if i were your bf, I probably would have thought oh nice vday dinner, and the stuff sitting in the fridge has no romantic connotation besides leftovers of a nice meal. Valentines day is over, we've already celebrated. Oh, this girl we're friends with wants me to eat at her place, that sounds fun. oh my gf is calling with aggressive, guilttripping messages, i don't want to deal with that right now, plus it's rude to interrupt while i'm spending time with someone else. personally i think you're turning a good thing into a bad thing and undoing the nice thing you did for the relationship.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (14 February 2011):
He did take joy in the food you had made him. But why should he assume that just because there are leftovers he needs to eat the same thing every day until all the food is done? You had your celebration, and now it is over. But to you it appears to continue until you decide it ends, and you didn't even tell him this.
He didn't disrespect you. While it was lazy to not respond to your texts, he didn't think you'd want to eat with him again today, or that it was important to you to eat the same food you already had the day before. He didn't see any harm in eating with some friends, and my guess is he thought you could eat dinner on your own or fix yourself some food. I mean the rest of the year you do get by on your own, he doesn't always eat with you right? So why should today be special, as you already had your celebration.
This is all down to bad communication of wants. You made plans in your head without checking with him first. Then you get mad at him because he didn't read your mind and guess what it was you had wanted.
Just take it easy and be calm now. Your boyfriend didn't disrespect you, or think low of your food. I am confident he appreciated it, thought it was lovely, but there was just no way he could have guessed what it was you wanted for the following day. Next time you tell him and agree in advance. But in either case, it is no biggie. You have left-over food, that's the only problem here. Everything else is fine.
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (14 February 2011):
 Spending all your paycheck is dumb and irresponsible. A sensible woman doesn't waste money which might be needed for something else.
Your cooking a romantic meal, why cook so much, why cook enough to feed an army? It's a dinner for 2, not for 22. That's not romantic, that's trying to give a man indigestion and make him fat. You spent all that money because you bought too much food. Learn to scale down your recipes next time.
Your boyfriend and his friends loved your food. They ate it. That means your a pretty good cook, and you also know how to socialise and can turn an intimate meal into a dinner party. Feel proud of yourself, that's a pretty good skill to have.
A lot of people don't like to eat leftovers the next day. If they have a choice between someone cooking a new dinner and the "what's left over from last night", usually the freshly cooked food will win easily. (Another reason why you shouldn't cook too much) If she got her ideas from you feel proud, don't feel angry and want them to sit there and starve, that's just petty and mean. Besides, I think millions of people are eating at home for valentine, the idea ain't that new.
They were rude not to invite you, but they probably thought you would want to eat all the left over food and not waste it. That was a mistake, they should have invited you so you could turn them down and get angry because they aint eating your food. They ate, they took food home, you and your guy ate and you still got tons left?????? Wow, how much food did you cook?
mmmmmm.... not worth leaving him about, and you should calm down about it by weekend, otherwise your gonna end up with high blood pressure.
You made a mistake with your portions.. easy to do, we all do that when we don't cook special meals often. Sucks though, but you learn. Don't make it into big fight and argument or your guy may never eat at your house again.
Not worth getting too upset, but it's irritating when hard work is not rewarded and doesn't go as planned.
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A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies +, writes (14 February 2011):
 never ever cook a big meal for a man unless u guys are engaged or married :) read why men marry bitches she talks about Left overs and meals there. damn.
now...what can u do? 1) learn ur lesson about big meals
2) invite her bf to eat with u (randomly)
DONT LET HIM TREAT U LIKE DIRT.
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