A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HELP ME PLEASE!im 26 seeing a married man for just nearly a yr now and im sooo unhappy, full of guilt, dont like the person i have become and i feel sick when i think of what im doing. I doubt he will ever leave her, she is lovely not a bitch......a bitch doesn't deserve to be betrayed either. id like to say im a funny bubbly caring woman but what i am doing says otherwise. I love him and for 10yrs i kept strong but well the last yr i gave in. I need help writing a "dear john letter" i need to send this now! i just cant find the words to write? that i love him but also let him know how hurt and used i feel and my respect for him has gone and that this is the end......please help me x x
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female
reader, Starlights +, writes (1 July 2009):
 you cant hurt him or be angry with him because you love him.
when we love someone truly, we are good, we cannot hurt them. this is why u feel this way.
u are strong to throw out your anti depressants because like you say they disable rather than enable you thru life.
however i do suggest that before you quit your job u have something else u can go into (or a hobby to do.
or else u might find your mind struggling if you leave your workplace and have nothing to do thereafter.
as for the guy he himself has told u he will never leave his wife for you, and to me that doesnt sound like he loves you.
i know u hate to hear it, but if we truly love someone wont we move heaven or earth just to be with them? we couldnt live without them could we?
i suggest u cut ties with this guy and surround urself with good positive friends & remain strong.
good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you again for all your replies.Yes i am Hetty and all i can say is im human and so confused if i wasn't i wouldn't be asking for help. Since i have last wrote i have stopped taking my anti depressants (ther not going to mend a broken heart)also i have handed my notice in at work i leave end of august i very sad about this and haven't got a clue where to go next all i know is i cant work as a Dental tec as it reminds me of him, silly i know but i need a clean slate. I cant believe the last conversation i had with him but it was what i needed may have been 9months too late mind but he told me he is a coward and hates himself and there nothing in the world he wants more than to be with me , adopt my children and have 2 children of our own BUT he cant hurt his wife like this, she cant have children i felt awful.So now i know he isn't going to leave her but i know he still wants us to carry on........NO WAY! Why do i still love him and not one ounce of me hates him, why am i not angry. I'd love to freak at him tell him how much he's hurt me but i cant why???
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2009): Anon, if you are a dental tech., you can surely find another job easily. Get away from this guy. I think he is playing games with you. No, hon, he is not going to leave his present..for you. I don't know why some guys play this game, but, some do. You don't deserve this. You need to be free right now, and then, you can be selective about who you want to spend time with. There are good men out there, hon. But you must make yourself available and look in the right places. Best wishes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2009): hetty, you had this to say in someone elses post 21/06/09, who is also having an affair with a married man: "hopeful that my married man will leave his wife soon i....." i think you are somewhat confused and somewhat hopeful. perhaps you need to make a decision, without the drama about this married man. this way, no contradictions in your stories and perhaps you can then make head or tail of your affair.
this is a hear approach, after reading your other posts as well- you need to decide whether you want to continue. and if you do then you need to shut up and live with your choice. if you decise to end it, then you need to cry, mourn the death of your affair and slowly move on. it won't be easy but at least you may have your morality intact, and your integrity back, if you want it.
( a horrible thought just struck me, plse tell me you are not doing it at his office, in the dentists chair. conjures up nightmares for me, ii always assume the dentists office to be orally hygienic. (lol) but i think i already know the answer to my thoughts.)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2009): if you are hetty, then i think you should read our responses in all the other posts you have recently had here. if you are hetty, you also asked how we could help you get your married man, darling this site, to the best of my knowledge, does not advocate what you are asking.
apologies if you are not hetty, i just saw that you are his dental assistant and made the link.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2009): From someone who did what you did for 10 years please for your own sanity.... just end it and whatever the consequences you will find other work if necessary. He will NEVER make you happy - married and unavailable men never do. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFriend tom, thank you for your time i have been hurt in the past as we all have, i truly want a man who can commit to me to be my world, to love. What i didn't mention is that i have in the past 3months tried to end it i've told him numerous times i cant do this no longer.... beard my soul and heart ache and yes we cried but what makes my situation so hard is im his dental assistant and i see him every day! im a single mum of 2 and the pay is brilliant and work is a 5min walk im such an idiot and wish i didn't feel like this BUT im doing such a selfish thing and i cant cope no more. I'm on anti depressants and i just cant see a light at the end of the tunnel .THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR REPLYING X
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2009): after sending off the letter the aim must be to remain strong in your decision. i think you have read too many stories to know that almost always the mistress does not get her man. rather she loses herself - her morals and her dignity. the good thing is - why stay with a piece of sh!t in the first place. you will have bad days, some worse than others but in the end if you want to regain your integrity and your good name, then you need to stay away from this man.
good luck and plse resolve to stay strong and not be pulled into this mess all over again. remember remaining a mistress is a choice, and you just made yours to end this tragedy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2009): I think you have already written the letter very well. All you have to do is mail it, luv. Get back into the real world and be your free self. There are better men out there, without other commitments or responsibilities. Unless you are afraid of them...and only want to be in relationships with men that you know will never be able to commit to you...(?) Think about it, ducks. Do you really want a man who wants to commit? Do you? I can assure you they are easy to find. But, some are easily hurt, as well, and probably have been before. So, if you are seriously looking, take care.
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A
female
reader, I am Othello +, writes (21 June 2009):
 Hi, you have asked, and I will try to answer - though think this through carefully and don't make any decisions that you might regret based on what I have to say.
He is married. He loved someone enough to ask her to marry him. People say that we all have soul mates - but what if we have more than we realise? But in the end we can only pick one. He has already picked one. It is unfortunate that he has found another, namely you. But at least you know that he loves you as much as his wife - you should be proud of that. Be happy that you can walk away from this experience knowing what you want in a man - and find another!
Unfortunately, I am not completely sure how you could tell him that you are going to leave him. One thing not to do is lie - things like "I've met another man" or "I've stopped loving you", as these could do much more damage then you intend. Tell the truth, this man loves you, he knows you - and will know that you are speaking from your heart, and importantly your brain as well. It will be heart breaking, but through time ALL wounds heal. Believe me, I know from experience. I hope I have been of some help, no matter how small.
Don't worry, it will be over when it is over.
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (21 June 2009):
ok the first thing i can feel from this is your turmoil.
Try and send that letter or an email to him stating that the relationship is over, that its unfair on you and his wife if the relationship continues.
he may try winning you back but dont cave him, more than likely he'll never leave his wife, and even if he does, once a cheat always likely to cheat.
affair's are never good, and what goes around come's around.
you are suffering the initial pangs of guilt, but it will pass as time goes on, remain strong. your doing the right thing.
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