A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have been swinging for 3 years and I was never really interested in it to begin with.now when I tell him I dont want to do it anymore he says but we are having fun when in actuality its him having fun. He gets a little to flirty with the other women and wont stop if I ask him to and when I asked him to give it up or give up our 21 year marriage n he said he had to think about it and really ultimatly wanted to end our marriage for a cheap thrill. I love him to the ends of the earth n back but I can't do it anymore and he wont go to get counseling cuz he says theres nothing to fix and he loves me but I just dont know what to do or say to him to make him understand where I am coming from and to prove to him if he really loved me he would stop any suggestions
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2013): In the 3 years you were going with him you must have had sex with others yourself as that is what swinging is about. That is mainly why the one who initiates the idea wants to go so they can have sex with multiple men/women and its legit. Why are you complaining that he got flirty with women they not there to bake cakes and you know that cos you went with him.You might love him but he is putting his wants before a 21 year marriage so that says it all. Pack his stuff and leave it outside after you have changed the locks.He needs a sharp shock.If it doesn't shake him then sadly you must face facts.This is what often happens when couples get into the alternatives it breaks up relationships
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (13 April 2013):
 You let him get away with too much...pandoras box is open and he doesn't want to close it because he is having a good time.
Swinging is like that...it seems like a good idea at the time but for most people it end in divorce or break up. Anything I have witnessed with swinging has always ended this way.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (13 April 2013):
I think you've done what you can. He's well aware of how you feel and hasn't stopped, and that's fine, he's allowed to make his own decisions.
However, so are you. You know the situation. You know he's not at all interested in quitting and that you aren't happy with the way things are.
What options do you have left? You can leave. If that makes him realize how serious this hurts you and he decides to quit, great, but you have to be prepared to leave for good.
Your only other alternative air to learn to accept swinging.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (13 April 2013):
 HI
Well really you gave him the all clear to start with, and if it really was not for you why keep it going for 3 years? I know you will probally answer that with " I wanted to make my husband happy" BUT if he was not happy with just you and him then he really is not for you. I agree that counciling would be good yet again BUT if he has to say " I need to think about it " then I would say there is nothing to think about , either it stops or I will leave you and move on to someone who is happy with just ME. I really do feel for you as it must be so horrible seeing he lears over other women and has sex with them. I myself could not do that, I would be far to jealous. I know this will be hard because 21 yrs together is no picnic in the park, it's a very long time to give up on, he needs to see this. maybe if you leave for a couple of weeks to see if he comes running. If he don't then to me that answers your question, which is he don't care about you just the sex life. As hard as it would be to face up to that , would you not rather see it for what it is than go on like you are now? be strong, and take control back in your life. You don;t deserve to be treated this way.
Mandy x
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