A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:OK I'll get straight to the point. For some reason i don't like or respect my mother. She never seems to stick up for herself and i hate the way she does things. Our home is full of junk that has come from her sister (my auntie) and she just does whatever she's told. Whenever she asks for help I'm usually the last person to respond because when i do i always end up doing something wrong. In the past couple of days, we're having stuff done to our house and we were moving an armchair and i ended up getting it caught on something which resulted in it being completely torn up at the back. I felt really guilty about it and my mother was also upset but i didn't know what to do or say about it. I also never ask her for help because she gives poor advice and whenever i say something she goes completely off the point and talks about something else and the blames me by saying that it's me who doesn't know what they're talking about. I also get blamed for having problems because somehow it's all my fault. What can i do because i really hate myself for this. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the help it's much appreciated :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2009): When I first read this question, I thought- something must be really bad for this poster to announce this! I though what- is she Aggressive? -Abusive? -Racist?But no- she is just too 'nice'/ too giving to her family??Okay- well what goes around… You're arguing that she's just a bit useless- in your eyes. Now imagine that, in between telling you what to do and judging you, she wheeled you favourite chair- or £400 in cash, whichever is dearest to you, into something sharp and tore it all the way up the back. -And then didn't even know what to say to you about it. And then also imagine that she was always the last person to help when you asked?!It's a shame you feel that you can't talk to her. But maybe you should LISTEN more to her. Who cares if you don't immediately understand- that's why you need to ask for advice.And she has trouble sticking up for herself? Then maybe she needs You to stick up for her a bit more instead of outwardly criticising her and looking down your nose at her. You’re on the same side! Mother and daughter; yeah? So long as you keep trying to talk to her, you can build your relationship. And CaringGuy is right- talk to her about HER needs rather than only ever about YOUR needs.No one's perfect. Stop judging and think about that.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2009): It isnt your place to criticise her. She has raised you since you were a baby and thus deserves your respecr for all the sacrifices she has made fo you. You are at the age now when its time for you to leave anyway so start preparing for that.
I do understand where you are coming from, My mother was a straight A student with all the potential in the world, however out of all her sisters she has achieved the least. Simply because she has no common sense and thus makes terrible decisions. Because of this she takes it out on myself and my brother and sister.
When she left my dad she made us choose who to live with and I choose my dad, Now days I dont see her as she lives on the other side of Australia, but I do call her once per week. I have my life now and she has hers.
My point is: how is this helping her or you? If you have children will you want them judging you as you are her? Its time for you to move on in your life.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (22 November 2009):
It sounds like your mum is having major self esteem issues to be honest. ther's nothing wrong with you. My mum was the same for years, and it wasn't that I hated her, it wat that it was frustrating that she'd never just stick up for herself. I think that's what it is with you as well. You're probablt frustrated. Why don't you try talking to her and gently try to find out why she's always letting people walk over her?
...............................
A
male
reader, xynebrutalis  +, writes (22 November 2009):
 No parent is perfect, as well is no person period, dont hate yourself for making mistakes. Even if she does blame everything on you that doesn't make it always your fault. As far as respecting your parents, (parent) respect is something that is earned and not given. So if she hasn't earned your respect as a mother she obviously you wont be able to respect her. But you have to focus on one thing, its called unconditional love, no matter what happens, you have to remember that she is your mom, and love her no matter how much you respect her. Also try to look at things from her perspective as well, theres always two sides to every story and you might feel more understanding about it if you try to keep open minded about things. I have a lot of issues with my mom as well, I didn't even meet my mother until I turned 17. For the longest time I hated her when for leaving me when I was a baby. But I'm 21 now and over the last four years I've come to a point to where I still don't respect her. But she does have my unconditional love.
...............................
|
