A
female
age
36-40,
*mari Solanthus
writes:I've noticed for a while now that I feel very uncomfortable when touched by anyone who is not in my immediate family.Whenever I make physical contact with a friend or anyone else, I get an unpleasant shiver and have to fight the instinct to pull away.For example: me and my best friend were sat on her bed having a chat. She shifted and her feet brushed against my leg, and I felt really uncomfortable and wanted to pull away. Yet I'm quite happy to have my feet buried under her legs to keep them warm... probably because it's touch I initiated.Of course I'm fine with my family hugging me. I crave hugs from my mother and father, and don't mind if my sister's hugged me, though I'd prefer it if they didn't.Anyone else it's like 'get out of the personal bubble.'Is this something psychological, or am I just being silly?
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female
reader, Umari Solanthus +, writes (4 August 2008):
Umari Solanthus is verified as being by the original poster of the question There are a few reasons, I think. The main one is that I'm simply not used to contact from anyone outside my family. I never had many friends, was always bullied, so I shied away from people and kept to myself.I also went through an experience when I was young by which an older boy kissed me under the bed during a game of hide and seek, when I didn't fully understand what he was doing, which I think may have added to my 'keep everyone out of the bubble' vibe...
A
female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (30 July 2008):
I'm actually quite the same way. I think I've somewhat forced myself to grow out of it. I used to absolutely HATE shaking peoples' hands. Now, I think just because of my work, I'm used to it. I also cannot stand when people stand too close to me, it makes me highly aggitated. I'm not a huggy, touchy-feely person either. I usually force myself to hug someone back and feel awkward the entire time, but it doesn't bother me so much anymore. If you don't like it, then you don't like it. Perhaps forcing yourself out of your comfort zone from time-to-time will help you get used to the discomfort.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2008): Is there anything in particular that makes you feel like you can't trust anyone outside your family circle?
Becuase it not really in the natural order of things to be completely uncomfortable with being touch in a platonic way by friends.
If it it is just a phobia, then I suggest going to a school conselor and talking about it and seeing if is something that can be helped.
Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do things you aren't comfortable with, face fear head on. Because fear is a powerful thing, and helpful because it keeps you from doing stupid things without thinking usually... but let loose too much and it will hold you to your knees and keep you there for as long as you let it do so.
I hope it all works out.
Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, PsyCookie +, writes (30 July 2008):
 It's just how you are. I know three people in my life who very much dislike to be hugged and they often avoid to touch someone.
I really never thought bad about my friends, I just respected and accepted that they just don't like being hugged. It did bring me down sometimes because I'm a person who loves hugs and whenever I saw them I always wanted to hug them.
But I do think that you should try to be honest if you don't want a hug from someone because they might take it personal. Just tell them that it's just you and the person might just understand it.
Don't worry about it. I already said it, it's just how you are.
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