A
female
age
30-35,
*alfiex
writes:Okay. I have a problem in that I hate being intimate with a guy after the act. But love sex. And I mean seriously love it. But I hate the intimacy afterwards. After I'm done, its rare that I want a cuddle unless I really dig the guy. So when a guy starts to try and kiss me or GOD forbid start stroking my hand/leg/arm/hair I freak out. Big time.Is this normal? I've been having sex now for over a year, I'm protected and have had a mix of relationships and flings and its all the same. Can anybody give me some advice how to stop being so cold, because I can see it hurts some guys.Ty.xxx Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, superrrshawna  +, writes (14 August 2008):
 from what i know, it is normal for guys to behave that way, but not as normal for girls. there are always exceptions, but that seems to be a generality.
i think this because i have many girl friends who all agree we like to be held after sex. i know i do.
and i was on a men's crew team with about 50 guys and they had a big conversation one day about how they just want to go home to their own bed after sex, or roll over and fall asleep!
you aren't abnormal! you just have different tastes from the average teenage girl. you might want to let your heartbroken lads know beforehand so they don't get sad, or give them a kiss and a cuddle afterwards, but then say "i'm really comfy do you mind just staying like this" so they don't keep stroking your leg and weirding you out!
good luck!
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (14 August 2008):
 It's not really normal no. But then it sounds like you've been having sex with a lot of different guys in a short time too, and that's not that common either (despite what some people will tell you). It's usually a sign of connecting the desire for sex with other needs, such as self-esteem and validation.
My suggestion would be to stick to having sex with guys you 'really dig'. The intimacy makes the sex much better, plus a longer term relationship is much better than random casual sex. Plus sex with people you're not really into is a way to create negative patterns for yourself in the long run, as it can create barriers to intimacy later in life.
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