A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Although many people say I am attractive (not young) I dont know why I cant get a man. I meet meen who would like a "fling" as "they already have a partner I meet men who say "You must have slippedd through the net someone should have snapped me up. I realise it must be me but what?p" (I was married many years ago) BUT it seems they say this but seems as long as its not wit them. ONe said "you ought to be married" but once agaian he wasnt looking to settle with anyone. Some of the men are div or widowed so COULDettle but although complimentary no one seems to want meI try being "not easy" that doesnt work so I try the other altrnative then its wrong it would be nice to have someone to go out with sometimes not marry necc everyone else seems to have someone and many are older than me.I nhave tried evening classes and been on cruises where dance hosts have let it be known they fancy me but all have partners at home I wish I coulod have someone who wants me for their partner. I wish I knew!¬!! I have no children so that ought to make it easier.Men who have paid me compliments all like me as lomg as its not with them as a partnerHELP
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male
reader, Odds  +, writes (14 January 2011):
 @ OP
"WHY is it easier for guys to get laid now than before? Hasnt easy sex always been available???"
Depends on the guy. This is what's called the "apex fallacy." It's easy to look at just the best examples, and conclude that everyone must be that way. Throughout most of a guy's life, especially his young life when he's horny and impressionable, he's in one of two groups. The smaller group at the apex are the guys who get lots of sex - 50+ notches, threesomes, reliable flings, and so on. The vast majority of guys don't get that, and consider themselves lucky to get sex in relationships, or to have months (even years) between relationships. So, long dry spells.
The guys who can get laid the most tend to get married by their late thirties, and continue to cheat. Again, because sex is easy for them, they get to keep chasing twenty-year-olds until they're in their fifties (give or take a decade, depending on the guy).
Now, regular guys never have that luxury. But as the women in their age group get older, the guys who formerly weren't very attractive start looking pretty good. And a lot of them now have the opportunity to make up for lost time.
Why that split occurs is due to a quirk of evolution. Doesn't matter how it came about; what it means in practical terms is, the sexual revolution mostly benefitted about 10% of guys, and screwed over everyone else.
I'm sure you can relate to the way years of rejection can really mess with your head. In these guys' case, it's taken men who would have happily settled for regular sex with one woman, denied them that chance for years, then suddenly given them the opportunity to be players. Most folks couldn't handle that change.
Again, finding a relationship-minded guy is going to be tough, there's no way around that. What you need to focus on is learning to identify and isolate those guys quickly.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for this yea a lot of truth.
WHY is it easier for guys to get laid now than before? Hasnt easy sex always been available???
Yes I think a lot of guys arent interested in permanent relationships and as you say if they are divorced I suppose they are wary of putting their faith into that again.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (11 January 2011):
Hopefully you'll come back and check this; I know it's an old question, but saw it in the list and figured I'd take a stab at it.
First, I'll try to answer the "why." It's because 90% of single women over fifty want a relationship, and 90% of single men over fifty don't. The guys who are fifty are typically divorced, sometimes more than once - and some swore never to get married decades ago. The family court system is a man-eater, and most guys are left bitter and angry by it.
Now, combine the damage done by previous relationships with the realization that, for the first time in many of their lives, they have the upper hand in romance, and you get this - basically the polar opposite of high school and college, where girls have the upper hand.
Then you get the guys cheating on their wives (some of them don't actually have wives, and are just saying so to make the split easier). They have similar motivations. For them, getting laid has never been easier, and they're enjoying it.
Both groups may sincerely be complimenting your appearance. But telling a woman she's attractive is miles away from telling her you want to date her. Don't confuse the two. Accept the compliments graciously, but look for the men saying it as a prelude to a relationship, not as a prelude to sex. Saying "you should be married," while nice, is also meaningless. It does not indicate whether the guy is serious or not.
Keep in mind the ratio above - 90% of women, 10% of men that age want relationships anymore. The right guys are going to be rare, and they'll only be on the market for a short time. You have to identify them quickly and move in.
Short version: they're doing it because it's getting them laid, and for many of them it's the first time getting laid has ever been so easy. I can't condone the cheaters, but I understand where the single guys are coming from.
Now, with that in mind, you can try to formulate a strategy to get what you want. Keep their motivations in mind, and try to be sympathetic to the single ones. I can try to supply a starting strategy, but I won't be in that age group for a while yet, so this is just conjecture. Modify it according to your own experience.
My suggestion would be to start by shooting for a guy older than you. Six, seven years older would be ideal. The hard part will be finding a single one, but once you do, make your move.
Get to know him slowly, take your time, and try to find out what he respects in a woman - not just what he is attracted to. Work on those traits he lists. If he respects a woman who stays fit, stay fit. If he respects one who is well-read, start reviewing the books you last looked at ten years ago. You get the picture.
At the same time, let him know what you respect (not physical attraction; again, real respect) and look up to in a man. If he responds by demonstrating that quality, let him know you appreciate it. Admire it. Make him proud of himself, and thankful for you.
Success is not guaranteed, and like I said, the guys looking to settle are rare. But there's no harm in trying. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (11 January 2011):
 hi
i'm the same (but am 39) no problem attracting men but its never the single ones! i think all we can do is keeping going out (but not to nightclubs) and the more men we meet, then surely by the law of averages, the more potentially decent men we will encounter (that's the plan anyway!)
it annoys me a bit when friends of mine say 'oh your lucky to be single, you've got the freedom, you've got the bed to yourself, you have the tv remote control to yourself' etc etc! but that is very easy for them to say coz they have got their husbands, for when they WANT to cuddle up with someone in bed and for when they actually don't feel like sitting on their own, channel flicking for something decent to watch!
i held off answering your question the other day when i saw it but i put you on my watch list, coz i have no 'advice' as such for you, i am as mystified as you are! so i just wanted to let you know, you are not the only one ok? AND remember this: a lot of the married and couples you see that may look happy and settled, on the outside, may not necessarily be feeling happy and settled on the inside. you only have to read the posts on this site for that to become apparent
xx
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