A
female
age
36-40,
*harlotte84
writes:Okay, so I've been in this relationship with one guy for like three months and it's quite okay except for the fact he wants to keep it secret. We both live in a small town and since he's kinda a known person and has many friends and all the people know him, he said it would be better we didn't tell anyone about us. At first I was okay with that, because I knew there would be much fuzz about us seeing each other and also I wasn't sure if we would remain together anyway. But now, as I said, it's been over three months and nothing has changed. He claimed he loved me and sometimes comes up with the ideas of moving in together or having kids but the fact is that I don't really trust him about that. I don't know any of his friends, he doesn't know mine. We meet on regular basis, but only at his place or mine, where we talk, watch TV or do other things, you know. lol. Anyways, I feel that I don't want it like this. I may be a coward to ditch him because when we are together, it's kinda nice and I like being with him but I still think he's just not that into me. He's about 6 years older and has a kid, he's got troubles with his ex who he claimes he hates. But I don't think that hate is a good thing. He still might have feelings for her, which is something he always denies. Just wanted to know if anyone has been through something similar. I'm not really afraid of breaking up with him, because I know I may easily find a new guy and I don't see a reason for him to be ashamed for me. It's just that I do like him and don't want to give up on him just because of this. Can anyone post me some advice? Thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2011): I think in the progression of any relationship, each person's world should slowly open up to the early. I understand at the start you want to get to know someone, but over time it is completely fair of you to expect to meet his friends or family. Otherwise your relationship becomes this annoying pattern of the same things, always hanging with just the two of you...and that can lose it's excitement pretty fast.
You want to feel cherished by the man you are with, not hidden away. Let him know that you'd like be more social with him and meet some friends etc. If he still doesn't do it...well, then that's just fishy, childish, and not respecting your simple wishes.
My advice...he's not good enough for you, so go be with someone who will scream from the top of a mountain his love for you. Be exhilirated in love, not stressed and sad.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 July 2011):
 I'm sorry. It's got to be hurtful and stressful to you to be in this situation.
when my kids were little I was separated from their dad. we no longer loved each other but our primary goal was happy kids so we sucked it up and worked hard to be a team together for them...
you sound like you have it together...best of luck to you...
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A
female
reader, charlotte84 +, writes (15 July 2011):
charlotte84 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat's exactly what I told him a coupla times. The OPPOSITE of LOVE is indifference, not HATE. He just shrugged it off and claimed she was just bothering him and that he can't stand her. They must meet and talk because of the kid and they often argue but still I don't think this is normal for two adult people. I'm not really into meeting his kid, he's very small and I don't wanna trouble him.
We spoke about "the secret thing" many times, I'm exhausted so I don't really bring up the topic anymore. He always says he would be bothered by all the people that know him asking him about me. Sometimes we leave for a getaway or something and we have a great time but that's it.
It was probably a bad idea to start up with him.
Thanks for the answer anyway.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 July 2011):
not a good vibe here.
you don't go out.. you guys have sex... talk and watch tv and have sex.. right?
not meeting his friends? keeping you his DIRTY little secret... Sounds like all you are to him is a handy penis holder.
I can see not meeting a child of his yet but he should not keep you a secret that's a crock.
As for his ex... the opposite of love is NOT hate... LOVE and hate are both passionate emotions on the same spectrum just opposite ends.
The OPPOSITE Of love is indifference. I don't hate my ex husbands.. I don't love them... I just have NO feelings about it other than the general feelings I have for most human beings... even the father of my children.. when he had a heart attack a few years back.. I felt bad for his wife and my kids but it had no real impact on me...
sounds to me like this is not a great situation for you....
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