A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi everyone sorry to be so personal heres my problem in 24 and i have never had a orgasm my new partners getting very impatient with me it just never seems to happen ive even got a vibrator which doesnt help any tips please
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 July 2011):
 How long have you had the vibrator?
Tell your partner that an orgasm wont happen when you are pressured, plain and simple.
I suggest you try the shower. Nothing ever worked as great for me as the shower, the pressure from the water against your clitoris is like someone licking you in just the right spot. You can easily regulate the pressure of water and where it hits you.
With a vibrator I discovered not all vibrators do the trick. I have 4 vibrators, and only 1 of them can make me come. It also took me around 2-3 months of practice to figure out how to use that one vibrator to get it to work on me. I also have to watch porn or read erotic novels while I work the vibrator to orgasm. While in the shower I only need to use my imagination.
Give yourself time to discover what works for you, and play around with fantasies. A large part of the orgasm, at least to me, lies in the fantasies or visual stimulation. The physical stimulation has less to do with it actually!
I also suggest you don't have sex for a while. Get real horny. Get so horny that you're about to burst. Then grab that vibrator, or hit the shower, and masturbate.
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (15 July 2011):
 Having a partner staring at you desperately wanting you to orgasm is pretty much a sure thing that you won't. You need to take some time to use your vibrator alone (as several others have said) and get to know yourself. Alone. You can't expect a partner to pleasure you if you can't do it yourself first. Set a relaxing mood for yourself and just play around with what feels good. Make sure you're alone and don't have to worry about being anywhere so all stress is off.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 July 2011):
 so is having the orgasm for YOU or for your PARTNER?
trying too hard will not work..
you have to relax.... and try to do this on your own in private... until you can have an orgasm by yourself you will probably be too nervous to have one with your partner...
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (15 July 2011):
 First of all, your partner needs to learn that getting impatient is actually counterproductive because for you to have an orgasm, you need to mentally let yourself go. Hard to do that when you're anxious about your performance or worried about your partner being impatient.
Sexlessintheuk is right. Use the vibrator ALONE, without your partner there. Take the time to explore what is pleasurable to you. You never mentioned whether or not your partner is a man or a woman, so if it's a man, his penis inside your vagina will most likely not give you an orgasm, since it's the clitoris that is the seat of sensation for you.
Also, when you're alone and using a vibrator, it's normal to feel some tensing up as you start feeling feelings. DO NOT STOP the stimulation. Many women start feeling that tensing up and then they stop. Do not stop! Let it build up! Trust me on this one.
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