A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am terrible situation. My husband cheated on me and left me 8 months ago. I was devastated, but have kept positive, hold no resentment towards him and have moved on. However during the recovery period from my marriage break up I got support from a married male friend, who I eventually ended up having an affair with. He was unhappy in his marriage and pursued me quite strongly. We get along great, and the sex is incredible,neither of us could get sex from our marriages. We talk and talk for hours, I have never bonded with another person so deeply. I am, of course racked with guilt over the affair. A few months ago he, also feeling extreme guilt confessed all to his wife and then tried to repair his marriage. I meantime tried to move on and met a single guy my own age who I really liked and he seemed interested in me. This guy however works overseas 50% of the time and went away after we had only known each other for 2 wks. Meanwhile the older man has had failed attempts to repair his marriage and has left his wife and moved out. I am now single, can't continue seeing the younger guy as he is away, although he keeps in regular phone contact, I can't really get a sense of that relatinship till he gets back in 6 wks. I am in love with the older man but too scared to commit due to his cheating history. I feel like am being deceitful to the younger guy by having anything to do with older man, but the relationship is so primitive and he was clear to tell me I am free to do as i please until he returns. Am i cheating on the younger man who is away? Am I silly to be scared of older man, who is willing to do anything to be with me and is having counciling for his cheating behaviour and never wants to cheat again?Older man knows about the younger one and is willing to give me time to sort that out. Both men are being very decent to me, and I feel like a two timing indecisive person. I am finding it hard to trust anyone and am at time look back and can't believe I got involved with a married man. Was out of character for me and during a very stressful time. Older man says he might go back to his wife if things btwn us don't work making me feel even worse. He says he will not be happy though.I find the older man very attractive, we want the same things in life, yet I feel the 'right' thing to do would be to end it and try things with the younger man who, although I can hardly remember him, I really liked for the short time we were together and he says he is really looking forward to seeing me when he gets back. I want to do the right thing but am not sure what that is, i don;t want to be unfair to anyone
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affair, cheated on me, married man, move on, moved out, older man, period Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): You seriously need some counseling, don't disregard this.
You do have resentments, lots of pain, and you are acting it out in your life. You exhusband cheated on you and left you 8 mos ago, and you in the following 8 mos have gotten involved with a married man and a younger man and "two timing" as you call it.
What this does is re-affirm to you that you are attractive enough to attract a man, even a married man, and "out of character for me and during a very stressful time" which is when we are vulnerable.
Stop everything.
Get professional help.
Don't move on to a cheater, that you know will cheat because you have proven it.
Take care of yourself first, then a relationship can be taken care of later.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): Do not do to another woman what was done to you. It is unkind, unthinking, and immoral. You were a participant in the destruction of someone's life... just as another woman participated in the destruction of yours. How much destruction must take place before you are satiated? When is enough, enough?I do not know why you would want a man who is a proven cheater... following the experience you had when you were deceived and lied to. You know that you are walking into a hornet's nest and still you envision it as a paradise. Why on earth would you invest yourself in a cheater after you already had a cheater?Why did you become a cheater because you were cheated on? Think about these things and heal yourself before getting involved with anyone... you do not want to do things in your live from a perspective of being purely reactionary. Be mindful.Do not continue with the cheater. Take it cool with the new guy... and invest in thought and time to heal.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): I would stay clear of the cheating husband, since he'll treat you with the same level of indecency and disrespect. You'll only be good enough for him until his wife ever takes him back, and then it's goodbye until they grow distant once again. You'll always be second to his wife, in his mind..
Do you feel strong feelings about this younger guy? If you're unsure of where that will lead, but you really like him(and you say he likes you alot), why not explore those feelings and date him anyway? If you can't remain faithful in the future when he goes away for a long period of time to work, then just leave him be and move on.
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