A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of over 2 years decided over a month ago out of the blue that he wanted space. I gave that to him.. I was devastated so headed back to my home country for a month to recover. During that time he would text and email and call frequently.I arrived back in the UK a week and half ago... he was being aggressive in his text towards me so I ignored him and then he started phoning me up every night. That weekend I picked up my stuff from his apartment. He said that he wanted to be friends for now and that later on we could be together.I was hurt and angry but left him alone..after the day I picked up my stuff hed been texting me almost everyday, called me and left me an email. I didn't bother to return his call, email or texts.I phoned up my boyfriend and he said that he wanted space from me because he wanted time out to figure out what he wanted in terms of his job and flat and also whether he could see himself marrying me. He said there was an issue that he thought I couldn't take care of myself and relying on him.. but I said it was not for him to look after me and push me into doing things etc. Then he said he still loves me but not sure as a girlfriend or as a close friend... He keeps insisting we should be friends for now... he says that he's going to call me later this week.So what is up with that? What does that mean? How do I get him back?Well Ii have asked several times from him if he seeing someone else and he keeps insisting that he isn't. I did tell him it was pointless to lie to me if that was the case because we are already not together.When he first asked me fo space my inital reaction was to ask him if he was breaking up with me... and he said not neccessarily and that he had things to think about?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI stupidly met up with him Friday night and of course he got aggressive as he didn't want to talk about the relationship. Anyway to cut the long story short i ended up in a flood of tears and him telling me that he still wants to see me as a friend and that we are close. He is unsure of what he wants in terms of his career and where he wants to live and he was saying that i was adding to his stress because he felt that he had to take care of me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni did the most stupidest thing and met up with him in the evening. Of course i ended up being upset infront of him so it reinforces that he made the right decision. Anyway he finally said he wants to friends..then said that one day we might be together again if he thinks it was a mistake to call it off. so basically i need to start NC again. He keeps saying that he doesnt want to lose me as we are close but to be honest i've had enough.
As soon as i got home I ripped up photos and momentos from him and gave away all my stuff that he bought me to my auntie whom i'm staying with at the moment. I felt angry when i got home and just did it on a spur of the moment. Why keep things that remind me of him constantly? Theres not point.
Right now i need the support to start NC again...i've made the step in deleting all his phone numbers and emails. I've also deleted all his pictures on my laptop that i could find.
Im in crises point here!
I guess theres nothing to salvage anymore right?
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A
female
reader, mightyhawk +, writes (7 March 2008):
 Just ask him to tell you what is going on, keep it short and simple. He will get the message.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell he emailed me instead of calling me...and just as i predicted he was only asking me how i am and if i was feeling better. I have yet to reply to him though...i just don't want to make a fool out of myself...how to word a reply or do i even reply to him at all?
I was tempted to email him that i would be in town and that if he wanted to meet up he can text me..but i guess thats wrong way about it right?
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A
female
reader, mightyhawk +, writes (6 March 2008):
Just let him tak, if he just checks up on you, tell him your not okay because he is messing you around, tell him your off if he's going to mess you around and mak a fool out of you. That's all I can suggest. I know this is all very hard for you. I hope I have helped, but on the other end of a website there is only so much you can suggest. Like I say hang tight and just brace yourself for whatever happens. I hope all goes well as you are obviously very anxious. x
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi mightyhawkI won't call him as I know that will just push him further away from me and I don't want to be the one chasing after him if that is not what he wants. But at the same time Im afraid that if he does call it is only to check up with me and see how I am as he has done with the other times hes contacted me.What should I do? I feel completely lost right now.
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A
female
reader, mightyhawk +, writes (5 March 2008):
What I did is a bad example, but an example nontheless. Hearing my mistake could help you. I chased after my guy, blaming everything on me, and I can pretty much put it down to that the fact that he actually left me; he didn't feel the need for me because I was making it so easy for him, and showing him that whatever he did, I was still there. I'm sure this is not what you want.On the other hand, my friend, although this was about a year ago now, just left her boyfriend to it, she left him and said basically "make your mind up, I'm not waiting" and he came running back, apologising and crying a few weeks later.If he does call, which I expect he probably will, I would just listen to him, make sure he fully explains his feelings without either of you being agressive or intimidating towards eachother. Don't immediately pour the emotions you have obviously been bottling. Listen to him and try and understand what he says. It is diffucult to say exactly what you should do, as you don't know what is coming. But my advice is just listen. If he does not call, do not call him. He will in time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the advice...everyone seems to be telling me to move on and that he has been selfish to me and I deserve better in the way that he treated me during this space period.
If you don't mind my asking..what did you do when this situation happened to you or your friends? I guess I just needed some advice on how to approach such a situation. Did you or your friends end up getting back together with your partner in the end?
If he calls this week...do i do anything or just ignore him?
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A
female
reader, mightyhawk +, writes (5 March 2008):
I have been in a very similar situation before, and so have people close to me. Quite often it can simply be about the guy being overwhelmed by a sence of commitment, and needing space to get a perspective of life, this is just a suggestion but it crops up time and again. I would advise you to belive what he tells you, and not think the worse, coming out of, or having a break from a 2 year relationship he is unlikely to jump straight into a new one. Just give him time, be in control, don't be there as soon as he wants you, but show him this is a selfish way to act, when there are also your feelings concerned. Tell him the truth, and I'm sure he will do the same. By him saying he'll call you, it may be that he wants this final bit of space before making a decision, and he needs time without the texts and calls. I know he is the ones making these calls excetera, but if you show a little resistance, it may make him more aware of wehter that is what he really wants.
This is just advice, and I may have the wrong gist of the situation, but I hope I have helped.
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