A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I'm not sure what to believe. I need help, my wife of 30 years told me in her words she had an encounter with a friend a little over a year ago. She said they took off their clothes and kissed and she gave him a handjob but he never touched her at all. She says it is not cheating because she was on meds from her Dr and didn't really know what she was doing and I could not blame her. So I asked why wait a year to tell me she said she didn't want to hurt me. Do you think this is all that happened, what should I do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011): I would not trust anything she tells you at this point. She's telling you what she thinks you need to hear, not what she did.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (3 January 2011):
 So she cheated and isn't divulging the details...As her husband, you have a right to the truth. I believe she's not giving it to you. Painkillers or not, like another anon poster said she's still held responsible for her actions. Now if she has a serious problem with overdosing on pain killers then you need to get her checked into rehab immediately.
That's up to you whether you want to stay in this marriage. Can you truly trust and forgive her? How do you know if she's not going to do this again? Does she have an issue abusing drugs? Is she going to stop seeing this man and focus on your marriage? These are questions you need to ask yourself. You find yourself saying "no" to these questions then a divorce is in your best interest. If you decide to stay with her, I suggest marriage counseling because there is something going on this marriage to cause her to stray in the first place.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2011): No one can tell you the truth about your wife... only your wife can. However, when applying common sense to the situation... No one needs to be completely naked to kiss and give a hand job. And, it is unlikely that two adults spent several nights together naked and kissing without it going further.As for her excuse concerning her medications... one has to wonder why she was there in that situation to begin with. Instead of "the devil made me do it"... you are getting "the meds made me do it".Basically, you have a cheating wife who is telling you to 'get over it' or leave. That doesn't sound like the words of a repentant cheater, now does it?You have a long journey ahead of you and my heart goes out to you. Now she must make decisions and you must make decisions. But, I caution you... do not make decisions based upon lies or half truths. After 30 years you are deserving of the respect and consideration of knowing who you are married to... and she owes that to you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2011): I would like to thank all for your thouts.I have found out more she stayed a few nites when I was working to help him on his house but said nothing happend. She never ment for me to know I asked her about it after she started talking in her sleep. I asked for all detales she said she told me all I need to know anything else would only hurt me more I said so you had sex with him she said to think what I wanted she was not talking about it any more that it is in the past it was not her fault I should for get about it the meds was oxycotten and hydracordon and some pain killers. Should belve her or leave
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2011): Meds is no exscuse. And I also think that it is worse that she did all the pleasuring. Think about it, she was just worried about making him feel good.... she got nothing out of it. Giving and not recieveing? Kinda sounds like she cares for him in my opinion. It would be differnt if she was getting pleasured by him, because it feels good for her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2011): It's a nonsense, trying to explain this away is regrettable but fact is she didn't tell you for a year and is now making really lame excuses which just don't wash. You don't take off your clothes and just do that..come on. Have to agree with tennisstar, meds are no more an excuse than alcohol and its certainly not meds that caused her to keep it from you for so long, like everything it was a concious decision taken to meet, then cheat with this friend and then to keep it from you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2011): I wanted to add here I thought you asked if this had happened at all, but I see now that you asked if more happened. There is no way for us to know that. It could be they did more, or it could be that was all. Every sexual encounter doesn't lead to penetration.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2011): Ok, obviously he touched her! Your wife is trying to minimize what she did by telling you and herself maybe that he did not touch her. She cheated on you plain and simple. I'm not sure why she told you now either. Maybe she is afraid someone else will, or maybe she was guilty.
I'm not sure what type of meds she is on, but I don't think that can really be an excuse.
We can't know if it all happened, but it seems crazy to tell someone you cheated if you didn't. Is she generally reliable and honest? Does she have a health condition that would cause her to lie about this?
I'm sorry this happened. I think you both need to sit down and discuss why it really happened, because I don't think medications are the cause.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (2 January 2011):
I'm sorry this makes no sense. In fact this man did touch her if they did kiss. Medicine or not, it's still cheating, your wife committed adultery. What kind of meds are these, and what is she taking them for? Schizophrenia?
I doubt this is all that happened, they're adults not teenagers. In most cases, oral sex is just foreplay for adults and leads to even more penetrating sex.
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