A
female
age
30-35,
*leeze27
writes:To make a long story short right at the start, I spent one amazing summer with this guy in 2011, well call him Brett. The only problem was he had a girlfriend back in LA. We tried to be friends, but after multiple times of hanging out at my house with my family and friends we finally couldnt take it anymore and kissed. This kiss started a summer that I will never forget, as we spent quite some time together. At the end of the summer, I went back to college and he went back to LA with his girl (and they are still together till this day). He texted me here and there after we parted ways asking how I was but I became bitter about the whole situation and very angry.I had thought about him every single day because I believe we had such chemistry and an undeniable connection up until this summer 2012, when i met someone else that took my mind off of him. However, I met this guy recently that literally reminds me exactly of him and we have a small thing going on. Brett is now back on my mind again and I cant stop thinking about him, especially because I still wonder what could have been between us.I don't know what to do because it is screwing with me emotionally and he is now in my dreams all the time. Part of me thinks its because I never got closure and he never told me how he felt (or he did and i was in denial), but does anyone have any ideas of how to take care of this situation? I feel like an idiot because it was one summer in 2011 and he is still on my mind. I am not going to stop being friends with the guy I am seeing that reminds me of him because he is always around my friends so that is not an option. I don't want answers such as "move on, get over it, if he cares about you he'd come looking for you, or he has a girlfriend, etc..." because I know these answers already. I am looking for genuine thoughts on this topic. Pleaseee!!Oh and if anyone has seen Last Night with Keira Knightly, that is literally my life story (with minor detail changes).
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (20 November 2012):
 There is genuinely NOTHING you can do in this situation. He chose his girlfriend over you, that is as much closure as you are going to get. You claim you never knew how he felt about you, but he went back to his girlfriend, meaning whatever he felt for you, his feelings for his girlfriend were stronger. So that is your answer - he loves his girlfriend and wants to be with her, he doesnt want to be with you. End of story.
Your feelings for him were far stronger than his feelings for you, you thought you had an amazing connection but he did not feel the same - his amazing connection is with his girlfriend.
You can always wonder 'what could have been', you can think that about any man you meet. Heck with the amount of ex's I have I would be wondering all day if I thought like that! But wondering achieves nothing, you might have had an amazing relationship, got married, had kids and lived happily ever after. Or you might have fought like cat and dog, hated each other and had a miserable time together. He could have cheated on you like he cheated on his girlfriend (after all, once a cheat always a cheat!). The thing is you dont know what could have been - it could have been great, it could have been awful.
You are looking at it through rose tinted glasses, remembering this one summer you had together and painting an unrealistic picture of your life together. You are presuming that if you got together your entire relationship would be like that one summer, whereas the reality is this guy is a cheat, so if he cheated on one girlfriend chances are he would also cheat on you.
You will forget this guy slowly with time, it is like any other break up - it takes time to heal. You wanted to be with him, he rejected you, of course that is going to hurt and you wont be over it just yet. Dont beat yourself up for thinking about him or feeling miserable it is perfectly natural to feel like this and you will get over it with time. Just keep reminding yourself that this guy is a cheat, that he isnt all he is cracked up to be - if you think about the negatives rather than all the good things you cling onto, it might help you realise he is not the Mr wonderful you think he is.
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