A
male
age
22-25,
*enissiwak
writes:my girlfriends mum died 2 years ago and shortly after she got her self into a physically emotionally and mentally abusive relationship, ive tried to help her the best I can and always be nice to her to make sure she is happy,I have sat there with her for god knows how long on so many occasions while she is crying, when she is crying I comfort her I reassure her and try make her happy, but on a day to day basis she gets moody and stars acting moody towards me when I have not done a thing, she denies it and ses that its just me presuming that she is moody when she is perfectly fine but its really not, she has a face like a smacked arse and speaks in a really shitty tone, whenever I ask her what's up she argues with me saying how I annoy her because I presume she is moody when she's not but If you met her you would definitely know that she is, she constantly tells me that im the boy that could change her back to the girl she used to be before she was emotionally physically and mentally broken, I don't know what is up with her ive done everything I can in my power to try help her with the situation and to just simply make her happy and it just seems to never be good enough, it is literally every single day she gets in a mood and takes it out on me, she always look miserable and I just really don't know what to do anymore, I love the girl pieces and I do not want to break up with her but all her moods she keeps taking out on me for no reason are starting to make me depressed and feel really low about myself and I just really do not what to do
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2015): Being under fifteen you should never have tried to take on this girls probkems as you werent qualified to do so, being so young in age.
I think you need some help.
You should see if you can book a free councelling session through your doctor so that you can download to themaboutthe effort you have put in and how it makes you feel about yourself now.
It is not a proper relationship for one person to do all the downloading and the other to do all the supporting so you will break up if you dont put your foot down and tell her to get outside help as well from a professional counsellor through her gp.She may also benefit from a little bit of help that puts happiness hormones back into her body.
The doctor will give her a prescription for these and they usually work after about three weeks.
Meanwhile you need to redefine your friendship and/or relationship and start planning happy events like trips to the cinema or listening to music, skateboarding or whatever it is you enjoy doing in your leisure time.
Looking forwards to events is a key part to happiness but your girlfriend needs bereavement counselling before she can realistically look forward to anything else again.
Im sure you have been her rock but as you are still growing up you must hand the counselling job on to the professionals who will help her to keep happy thoughts and memories in her head.
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (2 November 2015):
I support everything Denizen has said. Look, you sound like a lovely, caring guy: don’t change. But you need to understand when you’re out of your depth and I’m afraid you are with this girl. You aren’t the boy who can turn her back to the girl she was. One thing you learn as you get older and see more of the hardships some people endure is that when people are locked in to a cycle of depression and despair, it’s only they that can get themselves out of it. If simply being a kind shoulder to cry on could help her, it would have worked. Instead, she’s treating you like an emotional punch bag which is making you miserable and not lifting her out of this state in any way. You shouldn’t be arguing about whether she’s moody, but you should tell her clearly that, whether she means to be or not, she is and she can be cruel and hurtful. But you should also tell her that she needs a lot more help than you can give her and encourage her to talk to an adult she trusts (her GP will do if there is no family or teachers). She probably needs some counselling from some-one trained to deal with this situation and who have worked with people as emotionally scarred as this poor girl. You need to be a boyfriend: support her, ask her how it went and make sure you share what’s going on in your life with her too. But don’t take aggression from her because she’s had a hard time, and when you don’t know what to say, be honest about it. If, ultimately, things don’t change between you and you continue to feel this low, then walk away. It makes you no less of a man. I say this with all respect: you’re a child dealing with very adult matters and you’ve shown more maturity than a heck of a lot of adults, but you aren’t responsible for her and if you walk away no-one should judge you.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (2 November 2015):
 When someone is chronically depressed, as she seems to be, it is hard on people who are close to that person.
The thing is, she cannot get well on her own, and you are not trained to help her.
You need to get her to professional help through her GP. You have been doing a tremendous job and I salute you for it. Now is the time to help her get well by seeking proper help. It may be some cognitive behaviour therapy, medication or both.
It is no shame to be depressed. It is an illness.
If she won't get help then you have to start looking after yourself. You can only give so much.
She has to be may to understand the toll it is taking on you and others around her.
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