A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm really confused about what this guy wants.Over a year ago we had a 'thing', we never actually went out we were just sort of together, but because of our schools and stuff we didn't see each other as much as we'd like but we talked loads and met up when we could. We never got further than kissing though. Anyway I ended up getting hurt when he decided he just wanted to be friends, I dont know why I was so upset really because he was acting like an idiot then, and I ended up going out with a really nice guy about a month later so that was all good. However we broke up in Jan this year, age difference, work commitments etc etc. However I was less upset at this, which is weird because we were much more involved. Anyway I didn't realy bother talking to the other guy, except occasionally, I wasn't holding a grudge but wasn't a close friend either. He has a girlfriend a while back but that only lasted a week. He started texting me everynight about 2 months ago. I would reply, because well, i'm a friendly person but I decided not to iniciate anything. But you know yourself when theres feelings there.. :SMy parents were having a party, and I was allowed to invite a few friends, which I did. As his parents were also coming, I invited him along. I didn't expect him to turn up at all, but he did! He said to me that he would try his best to be there, but he said that about other things last year and they never happened... maybe he's grown up?That night we spent most of the night talking each other and going for a walk. My other friends who were they, whilst they dont dislike him, they advised me not to do anything. So I took their advice and we didn't kiss or anything, just talked, and it does seem like he's grown up a lot.Anyway after that I got no contact so that was a bit weird. I thought maybe he was waiting for to get in contact, seeing as he had been doing it for the last month, so I sent him a text and he replied but said he was quite busy. So I left it at that. Now he's started texting me again and im so confused as to what he wants... what do you think?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 September 2010):
 I just read your post today and I think that by now the situation will have evolved either positively ( you and the guy are dating ) or negatively ( you got tired waiting for him and moved on ).
I answer nonetheless because I'd like to point out that you- and many many girls your age - ask the wrong question. "What does he want ?"- First, any answer it's really a wild guess, not knowing the boy in erson, his mentality etc., - and your guess is as good as ours ( better, since you know him ). Second , and more important :
you should not care. The real question you should ask yourself is "What do I, anonymous female 16 to 17, really want ?".
You are supposed to act,not to react. You are supposed to be the cocreator of your happiness, and not just to fit the best you can into someone else's desires and expectations.
Ask yourself if what you really want is an undecided suitor who blows hot and cold ,and leaves you hanging. Or if instead you want someone whose affection and interest is clearly visible and perceivable.
As a matter of fact, there is no right or wrong answer. You may decide that you love the element of mistery and unpredictability. Or that you don't want a boyfriend right now, and you would be ok with an on/off relationship for the time being.
But,YOU get to decide, not him.
What you need to know is not if he likes you enough to "take " you- but if you like him enough to take him, the way he is now.
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