A
female
age
30-35,
*lways.you
writes:Okay so im so lost to where all i can do is cry and i never wanna leave my house...so i had just turned fifteen and i used to bowl. Well there was this guy there the night leage had come back around and the minute i saw him i fell head over heals...we dated and had sex..he broke up with me the next day he said it was because i was always asking him if i was sure he wanted to be with me and he got tired of it (i ask because i have trust issues and i thought he could do much better)..well i was heart broken after he did that..well he ended up moving back to his home town two or three weeks later..well later i found out i was pregnant i told him and we got back together and i was supposed to move up there and live with him and he told me he loved me and was the luckiest man to have a second chance...well rite about then my ex who used to beat me came back around..well my boyfriend hated him but i was so lost i didnt know what to do.. i never did anything with my ex but he was there for me he would bring me food hold my hair up when i was puking and everything..i loved him dearly but i was in love with my boyfriend and couldnt wait to start our fammily...until he just said i dont love you anymore...and then i never heard from him again...i had an abortion and regretted it everyday and i missed him so much and wished he would come back...i got so depressed i stopped going to school started doing drugs i had attempted sucide but went to councling for over a year and after a year and half i finally started to be able to become social and sober at the same time..i finally could go one day with out thinking of him and the baby... well i found him on face book and just added him thinking he would deny it because he refused to speak one word to me over that year and a half..he wouldnt even give me closure which killed me...well he actually accapted my friend request then he messaged me and gave me his number and said he wanted to talk..so i texted him and said hey? he texted back and was like hey whats up? im like umm exuse me you leave me two months pregnant with out even a good bye and without answers for a year and a half and thats all you have to say?!!? he apolgized and and he gave me the closure i needed and i thanked him for it and we caught up on whats happened in both our lives...then we ended up getting back together with him 1100 miles awaay...i planned to move there in december..he told me he couldnt believe he let me go before and regretted begging me to have and abortion and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with him..i told him he had to swear he was serious because i wasnt strong enough to be broken again.. well we got into a fight and we kinda made up and he went on a camping trip with the guys...he said okay babe ill contact you tomorow night be good..that was the last i ever from him that was over a month again..he walked out again and its torn me so bad...im a person that doesnt know what she wants alot of the time but when she does she fights for it like hell...well ive decided me and a friend are taking a road trip there at the end of the summer so i can confront him because the last time i saw him i was fifteen and pregnant and now im 17 and broken...my question is i guess..how do you think he will react? do you think this is a bad idea? i just need closure i need to know if im just holding onto memories or if this is love...and most importnaly WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO HIM WHEN I DO SEE HIM? WHAT SHOULD I ASK HIM? SHOULD I BE CALM OR MAD? OR WHAT? please im so lost...i know your thinking im 17 and dont know what this is lost but ive been so torn apart by this i stopped regular highschool went to homeschooling so never had a homecoming or prom or anything..missed out on all teenage stuff..its broken me so please tell me what should i say when i see him? how do you think he will react? do you think its just the distance that got to him? i need closure face to face..should i be angry?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, dawnonyou +, writes (1 July 2009):
Listen to "Old Guy" and talk to someone you trust. Life can be full of disappointments (and JOYS, of course); which are often temporary. At some point in your growth, you will thank your lucky stars that this idiot showed you his true colors early on in your relationship. But for now, unload on a therapist or a mature friend who can talk you through the hurt so that you may begin your healing.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, laura585 +, writes (1 July 2009):
Wow girl, thats a tough story and I understand why you feel the way you do. Honestly, in my opinion, you SHOULD NOT contact this guy. If he cared about you none of this would have happened. You can't look for closure from him, he might end up just doing the same things again. Take all this as a lesson learned and move on, there will be other guys that are much more responsible and that will actually care if their actions hurt you, this guy simply doesn't. It's hard to face the truth, I know, but the sooner you do the sooner you will realize that you dont need a guy like that in your life. I wouldn't go, I really really wouldn't if I were you. Best of luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2009): Kiddo, with all respect, I really think you need to move on. Given the history you describe with this guy, he's toxic -- simply bad, bad news.
You've felt before that you got closure, and then found it wasn't really closure after all. He seems to tell you what you want to hear when you're in contact, and then he goes away and does his own thing without any regard for your feelings. I have to think that if you go see him and confront him the cycle will start over again, and you'll end up feeling even more betrayed and broken.
Please find a counsellor -- someone older, responsible and wise. Do you have a decent relationship with either of your parents? Is there an aunt, uncle or grandparent? I honestly think the only way you can successfully put all this behind you is by talking to a responsible adult, and NEVER SEEING THE GUY AGAIN.
I wish you the best.
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