A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've have been living together with this girl and her 5yr old son for a little over a year now. She's 23 and I'm 29. I'm pay all the bills, am the only one with a job, i help her raise her kid, spend time with them as much as I can, and have had to take on a second job working at home to keep up with everything. I am a computer programmer and a professional fighter. I've been fighting since i was 21, it's one of my greatest passions and i have dreams to make it to the big stage one day. I feel like she is too controlling, and has double standards for everything. She can talk about how cute guys are but i can't even look at a girl or even mention one. She is constantly accusing me of fancying my students, since i'm also an MMA instructor. Which is not true at all, i could never gain respect from my students i was being a creeper. On top of it I got rid of all my friends, quit going out, and committed myself to providing for her and her son. I have an awesome job and the other night my employer treated myself and the rest of the company to dinner and drinks. I told her about it a week in advance, and throughout the day i kept her informed on where i was, but when i got home she still gave me shit. I wasn't even out past midnight, just smoking a cigar with my boss. Thats when i just had enough! She says that i don't really want a family, i just like the thought of it, or that i just use them to make myself seem like i'm something i'm not. I'm can't imagine going on the rest of my life dealing with here jealousy, control issues, and double standards. Should i dump her? Am I the messed up one here? Am I the controlling one by wanting to come home and not be yelled at especially since i've done nothing wrong.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys that really helps. WiseOwlE i see your point on repeating this same thing with someone else. I really need to rethink how i got myself here and how to avoid this next time.
To answer some of your questions. I guess I let things go on this long because she convinced me or i convinced myself that settling down was the best option for me. I guess i'm just the type of guy that likes to take on a lot, and can also take a lot of punches. But now i feel like there is nothing left for her to chip away at. I'm exhausted of never being able to please them, no matter what I do; family trips, birthdays, christmas gifts, my time, my energy.
You guys are right i need to get out of this, and now. First and foremost for my own sanity, and second to spare the kid any more attachment towards me.
I did my best, i gave everything i had, and now it's time for me to checkout.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2014): The simple and easy answer is, yes. Dump her.
However; there is the question of why you've allowed things to come this far without dealing with it? Why have you let her be so controlling, gave up all your friends, and gone out of your way for so little in return? I ask; because once you breakup, you're going to repeat this with someone else. Giving and taking care of someone, and getting nothing for it.
You will also be breaking up with her son. She will use him as a pawn. So realize, you can't play around with his feelings; if he has become attached to you. His mother has ruined everything for everyone. That's because she got spoiled; while you poured it on, and didn't insist that she give love and respect in return. She used you. To support her and her son. Now, if you breakup, you throw her into the street penniless.
Give her a time-frame to find a job, and a means to support herself. If you both live together and signed a lease; let it run out, and don't renew it. Save to move out. Offer to pay rent to you parents; or a relative until you're back on your feet. Place your belongings in storage in the meantime.
You can go to couples counseling; if you think the relationship is salvageable. I doubt it is. I think she believes she found herself a sucker.
If she drags her feet finding a job and a place to stay;
inform her you're leaving her anyway. Don't waste your life. She'll just have to move in with relatives. You can't let her hold you hostage using her son as her excuse. If it was really about him, she'd treat you better to keep you in his life.
She didn't know how to appreciate having a man willing to care for her and her son. You have no obligation to put up with it. She will learn the error of her ways, and do better the next time, if she finds someone else. Her karma is to struggle on her own, and realize that you don't know what you've got until it's gone.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (14 February 2014):
 Wow, no, you're not in the wrong. she sounds like a nightmare.
You're working two jobs to support her and her child. HER child, that's not even yours. These days, it's hard to get biological father's to even pay for their own children. Where the hell did she find you?? :)
You sound like a great guy who works hard to take care of her and her kid. And going out with your boss and coworkers is nothing to get worked up about. You knew it was coming, too, didn't you? You knew going out was going to cause a fight. It makes it really hard to enjoy yourself while you're out when all you keep thinking about while you're there is how much your girlfriend is going to complain when you get home. You shouldn't have to live like that.
I say communicate this to her. And if it doesn't change, its time to move on. Tough on the kid as I'm sure there is an attachment there. But you can't/shouldn't stay in a relationship where you're miserable.
Good luck.
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