A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So this is my last resort.. Me and my boyfriend have been together for a while with a little break in between (my choice). And in that break, he got in contact with his ex. He told me he only did it to make me jealous. And it worked.. I started talking to my ex when I found this out but it just didn't feel right. My boyfriend and I got back together recently and one night I decided to message his ex. Keep in mind that I hate this girl with a passion, never been a fan of her and she doesn't like me as well. She told me that they saw each other during our break and that he got her a gift.. While I'll never know the truth about what really happened, he tells me she made this up and would never do this. I want to trust him and believe him but for some reason this has been haunting me for about a month now. I just don't know what to do anymore. How do I get this situation and his ex off of my mind? I'm literally driving myself crazy and him crazy because I keep bringing it up and then he pours his heart out to me and says he will never talk to her again and would never care about her again. But why can't I just let it go? She is blocked from everything of his and everything of mine. Does anyone have any suggestions of how I can deal with this and how to stop worrying? I just don't know what to do anymore.. Thanks a lot.
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female
reader, gypsyrose12  +, writes (16 February 2014):
Hi There!! I was in the same situation with my partner of 9 years now but earlier in our relationship he was making contact with his ex-wife by emailing her. I knew about this and was okay with it at first until he let her stay when she needed somewhere to go. Because I trusted my partner so much I let it happen and he reassured me that if she asked him back on bended knees he will never go back with her because of how much she hurt him in the marriage and said to me that he only wants to be friends with her. I believed him although I found it very hard at first to trust her but gradually we built a good friendship as well and I trust her now as mush as I trust him. Now she has moved on but we still keep in contact. What I learnt was that sometimes it is not your boyfriend you don't trust it is the female. But as long as he reassures you that there will never be anything between him and his ex then you have to give him the benefit of the doubt and maybe try being friends with her too and it will change the way he feels about you for the better. so that you all get along and be friends. It takes a strong lady to accept their partner's ex and it will work if you have strong feelings for each other and that trust. That is a big thing. This will be your test for him to find out if he is really true blue to you. It always played on my mind too thinking about them and worrying all the time but now I am not having those feelings anymore. Best of luck and I hope this helps!!Gypsyrose12
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2014): You no longer have trust for your boyfriend. This will eventually break you up. Nothing we can say here is going to make you magically feel trust for someone. That is something you will have to do of your own free will.
Once trust is broken, and you become obsessed on something he did; that means you are unable to forgive him. You harbor resentment and that turns into anger. This will always permeate your relationship, and he will get thoroughly fed-up with it. You only took him back; because you're jealous. Neither of you are mature enough to workout your problems. Just play tit for tat.
Neither of you have changed, you just came back together just as dysfunctional as you were before you broke-up.
Only now you have a new reason to be upset. You don't trust him, and you're upset he contacted his ex while you were taking a break. He had a right to do whatever he wanted.
You couldn't fix things between you, and you contacted your ex as well. That's hypocritical.
You can't communicate, and breaks come before "breakups."
Your messy relationship is going to implode. Due to jealousy, anger, and the lack of trust. It's just a matter of time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2014): I'm wondering about something that wasn't mentioned in your question.....How long were you and your bf on a break before he met up with his ex? I think for him to meet up with his ex within 2 weeks of you breaking up is wrong. It's very immature and it would mean he was just trying to hurt you. If this is the case, it's not very good for the future of your relationship because you run the risk of it happening again (if say you have a big argument)If he met up with her after 2-3 weeks of you breaking up, I don't think this is an issue because you weren't together and it was clearly over between the 2 of you.On a positive note, I think the fact that he has blocked her from all types of social media is a real positive. Some guys guys would tell you to stick it if you asked them to stop contacting other girls / exes etc so I think that's great what he's doing.I would say the only thing that will help you right now is to let time pass and see what happens in the next 2-3 months. Don't fall too deep into the relationship, just take it slow and see how things go. Try to have a little bit of faith in him because it is important to build that again after your last breakup. Try not to talk about his ex too....(unless he does of course and you'll be able to see how he really feels about her. If he speaks about her, you'll know she is still on his mind) And remember, the more you talk about her, the more he'll think about her so just try to focus on you and him. I hope it all works out for you x
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (14 February 2014):
 You are understandably hurt and insecure after the ex just said that your BF and her hooked up during the break. However, you guys were not together and were free to date anyone. What you have going for you is that even though he may or may not have met up with the ex, he still chose to be with you. If you do not let this go, you nagging and bring up this issue will spell the end of the relationship. I suggest you let it go and try and see the positive. He loves u and is with you.
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