A
female
age
41-50,
*-XemX-X
writes:Hi im 25, a year and a half ago i seperated from my abbusive, cheating husband after an 8 year relationship. i thought that id never meet someone i could trust or want to commit to, but at the begining of this year i found my self falling inlove with my partner (23). i have two children 7 and 5. My partner has never been in a relationship with kids before, but took to it like a duck to water. The boys adore him to pieces. My dilemma is that my partner spends so much time doing other things that i can wind up feeling completely forgotten about, he'll spend time with his friends or working on his car, and i can go easily 6 days out of a week without spending an evening with him. i seem to only ever see him at meal times or to go to bed. Not the way to build a lasting relationship! I know that he never makes plans until the last minute, but after talking to him about my feelings and saying i need more commitment for us to work, i suggested he make the effort otherwise i dont see a future for us. The problem is things dont seem to be changing just falling back into there old ways, i love him so much and really dont want to have to walk away but i dont know what else to do to make him realise im not like all the relationships hes had before.Please help. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2008): Well his actions seem to be showing that he doesn't really see a future for you two either. Making plans at the last minute, going long periods without seeing you...these are just signs that he's not looking for it to get serious. I don't know why he feels that way, it could be that he's immature, or he just doesn't see as much chemistry between the two of you as you see. It could be alot of things. Whatever the reason, the reality is that he's not looking at you as long term material. This is obvious by his actions. I promise you this relationship is not going anywhere whether you stick around or not. I'm assuming you both have sex, and he's probably in it for the sex. But that's about it.
That's fine that you love him so much, but for your own sanity you should save your love for someone who loves you just as much. And he's not doing it and you can't change a guy's mind about how he feels for a girl. If he's not feeling it he's just not feeling it, its not going to change. Your going to have to accept it and try to move on. Either that, or keep seeing him on his terms. And obviously that's not working out for you. And I definitely wouldn't do that if I were you because there will come a day when he WILL fall inlove with someone and might break your heart. So I think you should save yourself any further heartache and move on. You'll be much better off without him and it will give you a chance to meet someone who's heart is more into you than his is.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (5 August 2008):
 You will need to train this guy. He needs to get used to having by his side. When he's working on his car, hand him tools, wipe his sweaty brow, get him a brew. When he goes out with friends join him sometimes. Make being home with you a exciting and fun prospect for him. If he is really into you, he'll come around.
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