A
female
age
,
*isele
writes:I have been marriaged for 12 years and I moved to another part of the country because of my husband. No friends,only his freinds and family. My family was far away from me,so I saw them once a year. I made some friends but nothing serious. At the beguining my sister in law took advantage of me and asked me to help with her kid - I dont have kids. So I did as a favor. After a while she and her husband was all the time asking to take care of the kid. For 8 years I had to endure that,and my husband was all the time telling me to help,and think about the kid. I told him I didnt want to have a relationship with her anymore because she wanted me as a baby sitter,and she didnt treat me well,and my husband never believed me and told me that she was a simple person and I should understand that. I was trying hard to work and have my money,and showing him that I didnt need his money because his other brother was all the time telling that I got marriaged with his brother because of his money. Also,his other sister was not that friendly with me. On the top of that,my husband was helping some friends -female friends of his school years. One of them was his old passion.He said he forgave her because she never wanted him,so now they were just friends.And they did some work together. He also was sad because his ex-wife left him for no reason,and had an affair without him knowing.So,she left him and didnt want any contact with him anymore.That was more then 20 years ago,and he still looking for her in the internet,phone,anything.We moved to another place and I lost my job and cant find anything ,so I got very sad for a year. We made some friends on the place but looks like he is the one that everyone likes. Since 3 years ago he is so different,talking with friends in the telephone,being kind of rude with me. I found out that he was giving gifts to some of his female friends,and the one from school he gave an expensive gift to her,which he told me was to her work.I was happy far away from his sibblings,but I was unhappy alone in the house. On christmas time I was all the time alone because he would go to his sister´s house and I didnt want to go.On Easter,same thing.I told him that I wanted some commitment,and he told me he never commited with me and now he wanted to start a commitment.I also asked him to stop having relationship with his school female friend and he told me he doesnt want to do that.He doesnt have a connection with my sister and she thinks he is fake,and he treats me like a doormat.I might be a doormat but I gave him all my love,and now I feel different though. I love him,but I cant stand that life anymore. I feel torn because I cant stand his life,his family,his friends,but at the same time I love him ,but I dont know if this is love. I´d like to have some help if you could I really would appreciate.Thanks.
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affair, christmas, ex-wife, his ex, money, sister in law, the internet Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (25 October 2013):
I think the reason you haven't got any answers to your question is because you didn't really ask one... Normally you'd still receive some general advice, but you have so much going on here that even that is difficult.
I'll try to offer a few suggestions, but they may not be very relevant.
The reason your husband treats you like a doormat is because a) he's a jerk, and b) you let him get away with it, meaning there are no significant consequences to his actions.
If I did those things in my marriage there'd be hell to pay, my wife loves me but will not allow herself to be mistreated. I know that, and act accordingly. For you that means don't be afraid of him. Tell him how you feel regardless of the perceived consequences. Leaving him should always be an option. If it's not hell know that things will always be okay.
His family obviously sucks, so don't worry about them or what they say. There's nothing you can do about it and it's got little to do with you, it's just the way they are.
It sounds to me that you're suffering from depression, and this may be making everything worse. I'd get treatment if i was you.
One last thing: if you aren't happy and you feel like you never will be, then leave. Love is useless when it's not making you happy.
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