A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I have known this guy for about 4 years but we barely spoken until this year. He had a girlfriend when I met him and SHE just broke up with him last year. I ran into him again about May of this year and we started talking and became very close then started dating. I always perceived him as a playboy, or at the very least a flirt and he was very offended when I pointed this out to him when we started talking. The reason for this was I knew things about him beforehand. During the time he was with his ex who was his first love, he pretty much flirted around with girls online (my friends) as well as getting VERY intimate with some of them (phone sex, cam sex) which he did admit to doing. I knew all this but I thought we could just be friends but he ended up liking me and pursuing me. I finally caved and ended up liking him too. He claimed he didn’t flirt with every girl, etc. When I first started getting close to him again, there was another guy I was talking to (never dated, just talking) and he liked me. I pretty much cut that guy out because there was no need to be in a love triangle. My guy was telling me to be with him and commit to him etc. I called him out on all his doings and he said he was young at the time and made mistakes but he learned from them and will never do that to me because I am special. When I finally committed to him he gave me all his info (he actually gave it to me on his free will) so I could trust him. First couple days I left it as is but eventually curiosity got the best of me and I did end up snooping. I found out he pretty much DID flirt with every single girl he has spoken to. Lines he used on me were lines he used on numerous girls. He said he never called any girl princess except me because I was truly a princess but nope, he called some other girl a princess before. All that was BEFORE me true but AFTER I dropped that guy, he was flirting with one of his exes from when he was 16 (he is 27 now). He would call her cutie and ask her when would she break up with her boyfriend so they could go to London together. This was DURING the time we started dating and he was telling me I was the only girl he talked to. He even dog sat for her (and told me) but I didn’t know he was flirting with her!! He claimed it was just “playful” and not flirting but I think it is? Serious or not, its flirting. Ever since that incident I haven’t felt the same. I have access to his texts, email, google chat and face book. This was logged in google chat which he did not know about, he didn’t think it would be logged. I don’t have access to his aim/msn.His ex broke up with him because when they were on break he cheated on her. I understood his point somewhat because they were on break and SHE was the one that asked for the break as well as the fact she flirted around. Then again he secretly flirted around online so she never knew as well as the phone sex/cam sex but he said its because he was a virgin when he met her and she slept around before him. Plus she turned Christian in the middle of the relationship and stopped putting out.. So I could sort of understand him? Its not my business he cheated on his ex or whatever.Anyways, I really love the guy. It has been 7 months now but I still find it hard trusting him and I have constant doubts but every time I talk about it, it ends up as me nagging about the same thing over and over again and me not ever being able to look past his past. Every time I bring something up it ends up me holding a grudge and he gets REALLY defensive and mean. I truly saw a future with him.. He admitted he was a mama’s boy once and he pretty much doesn’t do his own laundry, he is still in school, can’t drive, etc. so I questioned if he could one day be independent, I said this in the nicest way I could without being offensive but he in turn took offense and started attacking me about how I didn’t have a career up and running either (I have my masters, he dropped out of high school). I even said “I KNOW I am not set in life yet but do you think you will be able to in the future blah blah” but he still ends up being very defensive and attacking me every time.This might sound conceited but I know I am pretty okay looking, I get compliment on my looks ALL the time. When we first started talking he said I was average looking but it is my personality that shines. I was like okay whatever. Then one time he said how my ex was bad looking and he always wondered why I ever was with him. Okay fine whatever. Then one day he asked what I thought when I first met him and I admitted that I knew how he flirted around a lot and I expected his gf to be pretty but she wasn’t and he blew up and said how I don’t know her and she is hot. EVERYONE says she is not pretty at all including his brothers and I know this is mean and shallow but the way he blew up on me and called me average. It is like what girl wants a guy shes dating to call his ex hot and call her average. This was during the “wooing” stage. He later admitted he was being defensive, apologized, and said I’m the most beautiful girl he has ever dated and that he called me average cuz he wanted a different approach from the other guys.I have done so much for him. He said I did more for him than his ex or any other girl. When we first started talking he told me he was the type to give surprises flowers etc. He said he walked through the snowstorm for his ex when she was sick. I asked him about his other ex when he was with his gf and he said he never contacted his exes cuz his gf was the jealous type. He knew I was the jealous type as well from our first convos and he is in contact with his ex… also he was working when he was with his ex so he spoiled her, paid for everything, bought her everything, etc. He is just a student right now so I understand he is broke and don’t ask for anything. I have baked him goodies like cookies, I buy him things, make him cards, etc. Its fine, I want to do it. However, there has been some things that bug me. I feel like he treated his ex better. There was this one girl he admitted that he tried hard to get with after his ex. She was a bar girl and pretty much led him on and lied to him, she had a bf the whole time. His last text to her was that he is proud she is getting out of the bar scene and for her to send him her resume so he can help her find a job. I didn’t understand why he was nice to her till the bitter end (she is really pretty). Honestly, he has flirted with girls and said lines like “if we are both single at 32, lets get married”. Used the same line on me but it was age 35! Its bothers me but its fine, these girls are his friends and were there for him when he needed them however the bar girl IS NO FRIEND. She lied and stuff. This is probably controlling of me but I hinted at him to delete her off face book and in the end, I was upfront and just asked, if I ask you would you delete her for me. He gets defensive and angry and says why does it matter he doesn’t talk to her etc. and why I would make it in issue. It really bothers me more that he wont do it rather than the fact that she is on his face book. Yes, maybe childish, petty, immature, insecure, controlling, etc of me but seriously, why can’t he do this for me. A small gesture. I have done more for him than any girl has, he admitted to it, I put my heart in this, I try hard, I am a “cool” gf, I play videogames with him, I’m educated, etc., he even admitted I was the perfect girl but why can’t he just do this for me.It is very tough because I miss him if we don’t talk. Sometimes I think he doesn’t care about me as much then he just gets mad I am comparing or that I hold him to his past. He has a point but the face book thing bothers me so much and its not like its someone he even talks to (supposedly). She has like 800 friends, she wont even notice. I am at the point where I feel like I have no value to him. He brags about how great he treated his ex. When I bring it up he says he didn’t tell me for me to use against him. I mean if I didn’t know all this FROM HIM, none of it would bother me. He told me way too much info and now that I like him I feel jealous and the fact he just gets mad at me when I bring anything up, it never gets resolved. He always sounds angry and mean. Theres so many other incidents but they are petty things, just too many of them so they add up.From his texts, he sweet talks SOOOO many girls, he even called average looking girls beautiful to flirt. Half the time he does praise me but half the other time it feels like he is mean and puts me down. He gets jealous with me too but I always talk negatively about any guy who flirts with me so he knows I don’t like them at all or I will even avoid those guys. I mean I don’t think he is talking to any girls now but I just don’t get why he wont delete that one girl just to make me happy. Does he think it is a game and he doesn’t want to lose or hes afraid if the give an inch and take a mile thing? I don’t know if the issue is me being insecure or jealous, or his past, how he is, his stubborness, meaness and defensiveness or a combination of both and our situation. I want to make it work but it is hard for me to let things go on his end when I put in so much effort. Please help.
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broke up, christian, flirt, flowers, his ex, immature, insecure, jealous, my ex, phone sex, puts me down, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, punksavage  +, writes (22 December 2011):
 honey if your not happy dont stay with him, life is to short to waste time on people who you arent happy with.
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