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I don't know if my g/f had sex with someone while we were broke up. How can I trust her?

Tagged as: Dating, Sex, Teenage, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 July 2012) 6 Answers - (Newest, 20 July 2012)
A male United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Ok thIs may be a stupid question, but me and this girl had been dating a year an a half an she claimed to be in love with me! Well we had a bad breakup and were broken up for a week and she started talking to the guy she lost her virginity to and already had anothe boyfriend. I was crushed and she was doing all this shit! Well I didn't know all that until she decides she wants me back and we are back together for about a week she tells me. I mean idk if she slept with them because she wouldn't tell me anyways, and she claims she only did it because she was hurt. My question is how can I trust her after this I mean obviously she still has feeling for the guy she lost her virginity to and then she was dating some other dude. I mean she said she loves me and then she does all this. And no the guy she lost her virginity to and the guy she was dating were two different dudes. Idk I just feel like if she's going to do that then how am I supposed to know she actually want to be with me? Yes Im aware she was single and could do as she pleases but idk if she had sex with any of them during this week or talked about it or what I just don't know what to do?

View related questions: broke up, crush

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A female reader, Shawtyinlove United States +, writes (20 July 2012):

Shawtyinlove agony auntyou guys were broken up. whatever she did is her business so there for you should trust her. if your unsure about any diseases than you and her both go get tested so it doesn't seem like your singling her out to be some kind of whore.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2012):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Actually in reply to A reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2012): I think people do have a right to at least have an honest roster. What if she fucked some nasty as dude that may have crabs or w.e. I'm not saying I want details bout size and shit just saying I think people have the right to know anothers roster. But thanks to all who responded she apparently hasn't done anything so we are gonna try to make our relationship good again. Thanks all.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2012):

if she slept with someone else while you were broken up... why should she have to tell you?? You two were not together although i can see how it would hurt its not your buisness. my ex made it a point to tell me that he didn't sleep with someone else while we were split up but i never felt the need to tell him that i did. I just figure if you love her then you should respect that she made a crappy choice in the heat of a moment while you two were split up.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (14 July 2012):

Honeypie agony auntIf she won't tell you, there is no way any of us here can.

But you need to look a the big picture here, DO you want to be with her or not, regardless of who she might or might not have slept with while you two were broken up.

I think you should tell her how it makes you feel not knowing.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2012):

Dude so you and your girlfriend had a bad breakuop and she won` t tell you something that means that shes hiding something from you and she might have a skeleton in her closet or shes waiting for the right time to tell you. If she dosent tell you then you don` t have trust which is a very important thing in a relationship. Dude don` t go to the worst case scenorio but also she might be afraid that if she tells you that you might just leave her. Try to comort her into telling you, if she does just think rationally and do it from her point of view just to see what she was. Also talk to her friends to see what see was seeing cause of course when girls need help we go to those closest to us like our parents,siblings or friends.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2012):

I do agree its disrespectful that she split with you and then hooked up with another guy in less than a week.

I don't know whether to say its wrong or not though, because it was her choice and it was obviously what she wanted at the time. Who am I to judge? I merely have my opinion.

But she must have been certain when she split up with you that she wasn't going to get back together with you, otherwise she would have been thinking about you during that time, and not who she can hook up with next.

I'm going to guess that she didn't have sex with the guy she lost her virginity with, because you said she was hooked up with another guy at that time (unless she's a known cheater but you haven't given any reason to believe she is) and a break up followed by casual sex with two other people in less than a week is a bit much for most people to take on I would say. As for the other guy though, I can't really take a guess on that as I don't know how freely she is to give herself to people sexually in such a short space of time.

All you can do is act on your instinct. If you can't get your head round this, and its unlikely she would tell you anything if you asked her, then you need to ask yourself would you be un-happier with or without her? (Bare in mind, all it takes is time after a break up to fully get over it and move on, where as if you stay with her, this could bother you for the duration of your time together)

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