A
male
age
36-40,
*'Hara
writes:I don't know if my ex still has feelings for me.My girlfriend and I seperated in February. We had been together for four years and lived together for two. Those four years are the happiest I have ever been. She was completely devoted to me and I was to her. We were so happy and it felt like we didn't need anything except each other. When she started university I began to notice a change in her. She seemed less interested in me where as she had been really clingy before. She also wouldn't let me meet her new friends and would always go out without me. It eventually all came to a head and I found out that she had been slagging me off to her friends and had even been chasing someone else and we ended up breaking up. I moved out but despite this we still kept on seeing each other. We would visit each other all the time and were still sleeping together. She tells me she will always love me but that shes just not passionate about me any more. Its been seven months now and I still can't get her out of my head. We're still sleeping togther even though she has had another relationship now since me. When her most recent boyfriend dumped her I was the first person she text and I ended up picking up the pieces again. She always tells me she might want to get back together in the future but not right now. I feel like shes just trying to put me on a shelf so she can go have her fun and then come back to pick me up when she feels like it. I also found out that despite me helping her get over her ex she has not mentioned this to her friends but instead has continued to slag me off to them. Am I a complete idiot for still wanting to be with her? I just keep hopeing that she is going to wake up to what she is doing. She has changed so much over the past year. It almost feels like she has died and now something else is living inside her body.
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female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (13 August 2007):
 I think you must stop seeing her at all. At least for some months until you get her out of your system. It doesn't look like she has any good feelings for you anymore, and if she does, she is anyway more interested in others. And why is she slagging you off? Don't accept that.And you are not an idiot, you are a good guy who still have feelings for her and wish she would go back to be what she used to be, but she won't. Don't wait around for that. Maybe she is being confused and unhappy, but it doesn't matter, you will not be able to help her where she is now anyway. It is not nice using you to comfort her when she is being dumped by others. You are only wasting your own time here. She knows how you feel about her and she is using you. I'm sorry. Let it go and move on.Wish you all the best.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (13 August 2007):
 It seems you need a little shaking: you are the one who needs to wake up. Just like you said, she has put you on a shelf to have you when she feels like it. You do not deserve this, nor the slagging off. And it is not your role to help her get over her ex. Who has helped you get over her?
What you need to do is stop any contact with this woman. Trust me, you will feel better after a while. You need to work on your self-esteem, too.
In case you didn't notice, she has no feelings for you. She keeps telling you you "might" want to get back to you, because she can't say otherwise. You would go away if you didn't think you had a future with her, and then she couldn't use you.
Get as far away from her as you can.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (13 August 2007):
It seems you need a little shaking: you are the one who needs to wake up. Just like you said, she has put you on a shelf to have you when she feels like it. You do not deserve this, nor the slagging off. And it is not your role to help her get over her ex. Who has helped you get over her?
What you need to do is stop any contact with this woman. Trust me, you will feel better after a while. You need to work on your self-esteem, too.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2007): You really need to get rid of her. Look how much she's hurt you and your still carrying on seeing her & letting her treat you like this.
She is keeping you as a backup plan. You need to get rid of her and find someone else who deserves you! You probably still miss her etc etc because your still sleeping with her which is bringing all the feelings back.
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